Im currently enthralled by the concept of Jealousy. First off its rampant in China. Boy meets girl, other girl meets boy - jealousy. English school hires foreigner, foreigner talks to other chinese people, jealousy. Foreigner trades schools venomous jealousy that evidently washes away with time (my spies tell me that my previous boss would be interested in having me back... hmmm). Foreigner goes on TV for a new experience which is completely unrelated to English... in anyway: Vendetta grade jealousy. Granted, with this certain overgrown and over-permed juvenile ranking in at 40 years old, its also likely to wash away very quickly as long as the issue is addressed.
Im going to record again tomorrow. A key element will be me addressing the need to do some mild advertising for my company so that I can flip this problem on its head and become my boss’s conquering hero... ridiculous.
Anyhow. Aside from business related jealousy, I think there are much more normal and fodder for musical related themes of jealousy. Goodness every time I watch a chinese movie, or absently end up watching Chinese TV - someone is either killing them selves or killing someone else out of impassioned jealousy.
Goodness - people just dont know how to play the game. I think jealousy to me is so interesting and at the same time vexing, because it shows a complete lack of willingness to “let go.” Jealousy is the opposite of growth and creativity. Jealousy is (to me) an attempt to kill snow white so that you can be the fairest one of all. Its not like you really are the fairest, you just rank highest in whats left. Oh look, you’re king or queen of the dung-heap or frankenstein’s (monster’s) bride. (Take that Mr. Cavalli... I DO remember that frankenstein isn’t actually the monster’s name SHAZAM!)
Instead of wanting/being willing to make something better, its a desire to tear down. Its like the rusty blood encrusted barb-wire that tears open a deer on its way to the mountain top.
I hate it. With all the cold and bitter disdain that it deserves. I hardly think about it and the corners of my mouth curl like I just realized I gnawed on some mouldy pizza.
So I looked it up in Chinese:
The first two hits in my internet search I thought were really insightful. There was a listing for “possessive” and a listing for “envy”. You can also say that you’re eating vinegar, and it gets the same point across.
Well lets just say woman is stamped all over this one... no seriously... look.
女 is woman and 嫉 , 妒 are the characters in jealousy. if you look to the left of either character, there “she” is, like a wicked little sorority.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a place for hurt, betrayal and to some degree even entitlement, but I think jealousy takes indignation and just turns it into something that is ill-manifested and with a wrecking ball of an end-game plan.
Hope becomes a joke. I think thats what Im trying to get at. There is no up, just down, and I honestly don't think its worth it if there is no more up. Which is why I think I get kind of nasty and defensive within my dark little self when I see jealousy spring up.
Makes me wanna put on my spiderman underpants and go to town on injustice.
(should probably get some spiderman underpants first... to be prepared...