My goodness how I miss you.
I was reading any news I can find about China as I do pretty much every day and this is the one that caught my attention and inspired me most today.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-15616576
I love it.
Before I get into my little emotional monologue, please pass on my message of 大家好 and 皮特儿好想大家 to... 大家朋友们...
I'm sure i've said it before but I wanna say it again~ the hospitality that you and your family have shown me has been incredible. I don't think i'd have fallen quite as much in love with China if I didn't have you all. You're more than a credit to your country and have been (a) phenomenal friend(s).
As soon as I got off the plane in Chicago, I knew right away that I wouldn't be able to live in America for long. I guess i've gotten comfortable with being a 老外. Being a 小内 isn't anywhere near as much fun.... though I doooo like NOT being stared at as much.
When I was in the airport surrounded by all these super fat americans I started getting really anxious and looking around for some chinese people or at least some asians to make me feel a little more comfortable :D. I found 3... and I think they're from taiwan or hongkong because they're passports were in traditional characters... Anyhow... it made me happy.
I think one of the things I like most about China right now is how much change is happening. There is a lot of growth that is happening and about to happen. In America... its kind of embarrassing. We're going backwards. My brother and I were watching youtube for like an hour watching this "occupy wallstreet" bullshit. None of them really know why they're there. They're all protesting something different, which really just makes it a sad joke. There's a lot of angry people, but they just seem content to be angry and not actually get something done. Its like yelling the the face of a cow because its giving you milk not cheese. You dont actually need it to give you cheese, but you're happy because your getting rid of your stress... Stupid people.
THere was even this one super ugly transvestite (man changing into a girl through surgery) who was calling "herself" a "Mao-ist" because "she" felt that society didn't accept her right to change "her" gender identity.
Yes.... and 毛泽东 would totally encourage you to snip off your penis and grow boobs... RETARD! To the labour camps with that one...
But these are all just details. I think what I like most about China and the Chinese people are that every one accepts that they're not being told the truth, and finds a way to live and discover whatever truth they deem important in spite of govt controls. Americans do one of about three things: (a)dig out some crazy ass conspiracy and pretend its the truth, (b) not care and just live their lives, (c) take the little bit of story that our government gives us and live on in our own little world...
Government is pretty much the same wherever you go. Ours lies too.... but they're better at making the public believe they know whats going on because we are given "enough."
I feel like I don't have anything to offer here. Its like... I could get a job here if I wanted, but i feel like any job I would possibly do... I might as well NOT do... and it wouldn't really matter.
Being in Asia though, as a foreigner, I feel like there was a lot more learning going on. Its nice to be back home to see my family and what not, of course, but i feel like this is the "resting stage' before I move on to the next thing. I don't think there is much more "up" for me here right now. Its just ... more of the same.
I wonder if KC would really be as happy here as he thinks he would. He'd love to be with his family I KNOW, and the standard of living yesss (GOSH the wine here is soooooo much better... and CHEAP ($5-$10 for a great bottle of wine... ), but would he feel normal here or would he get bored?
That said, I'm really excited to go experience Korea for a while. It'll be very interesting to see how these countries (FAR east... Nor and Sou Kor,Jap,CHN,TAI, etc) grow together in the future. Im pretty sure i'll have something to do with it ^_^
I've got my papers and paid for the first 2 semester at my program, so now all I need to do is go to the Korean Consulate and apply for my Visa, which im doing either the 10th or 11th of this month (just a few days now!!)
Finally ~ its your turn. How are you/ what have you been doing lately?
-Peter
Monday, November 7, 2011
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Autumns a comin' should be read before Mighty herds
> Subject: Autumns a comin' ... eventually
>
> I think I wanna raise llammas. And why not?
>
> Anyhow, im at the park drinking coffee on a rarely cool and crisp evening under
> the hopes that "fresh air kills germs." Its something I read on the internet so
> it must be true.
>
> Yes... I'm again. I think my years of wild hedonism have finally caught up to
> me. Ok... theres maybe five of them by my counting.
>
> I blame the under-sleeping and over-drinking. Regardless... trying to move
> forward in health and cheer.
>
> Currently, and shockingly, there are some kids under the tutelage of a mildly
> plump woman learning kung-fu. Rare. I see lots of taichi, lots of bad
> instrumentalists, but this is probably the most impressive single display of
> cultural discipline i've seen in China in a while. Refreshing.
>
> Anyhow back to the llamas.
>
> I was thinking about my station, my function, my direction and a few other
> things that probably end in -tion.... and one of the things i've become
> preoccupied with recently is, for lack of a better term ~ putting in roots.
>
> The allure of a gypsy lifestyle and traveling around "seeing the world" is
> losing some of its flair now that im seeing much of the flair in a culture is
> hidden within their rooted societies. Now - true, i've only really seen three
> cultures, but imma go ahead and make that hypothesis.
>
> A rooted society doesnt have to be stationary. If you look at North Americans,
> especially the young ones, we move all over the place. Theres college, post
> college, the first real job, maybe a second job, marriage. All of those stages
> could involve 2-4 years and then we move again. Realistically its not a long
> time, but I think theres still a commitment to a society they want to be a part
> of. Some of it is family driven, others career, but each of those aims still
> includes them in a social group.
>
> So to put this a little more plainly, theres always my bottom line of "what do I
> wanna be" but im also tinkering around with what it would mean to commit myself
> more instead of holding back. I dont think i've held back from how ive
> approached my adventures, but i've definitely limited one adventure for the sake
> of pursuing another.
>
> No idea what rooting would mean for me, but ridiculous fancies of llamas and the
> like definitely are on the list of random but wonderful.
>
> Ah, to some of the meat as well.
>
> Just got a text today from the functional manager (Chinese ~ awesome lady) of
> the kids school saying the following:
>
> Maple: ""Big news! Maria wants me to ask you if you want to be the kids
> supervisor of teaching. Sounds like she got some new idea from a Hong Kong guy.
> You may need to do some working hours, I guess you can ask for a raise for
> salary.
>
> Me: Interesting concept. what all does it include and what does ""working hours"
> mean? Im open to the idea. I just want to now more.
>
> Maple: She did not say it clearly (peter ammended "typical"). Let me think. You
> are in charge of everything, teaching and sales. She though your out going
> personality will help us work well. I think she wants to make sure you're gonna
> stay here.
>
> Me: Bahahah. thanks. I will think about it.
>
> Maple: Typical chinese politician way to make someone stay. It is not a bad
> thing anyway. You can think about it. I will reply to her and say you are
> thinking.
>
> --
>
> I do so enjoy honest relationships. I've been honest and clear with Maple and
> she returns the favour: hahaha.
>
> If it doesn't require me tying myself down for a year, i'll consider it. Might
> help me walk out of this firestorm with a few less burns if I work it right.
>
> --
>
> It might be fun to be a sheikh... i'll need mighty herds of llamas for that one,
> or my enemies won't respect and fear me.
>
>
>
> I think I wanna raise llammas. And why not?
>
> Anyhow, im at the park drinking coffee on a rarely cool and crisp evening under
> the hopes that "fresh air kills germs." Its something I read on the internet so
> it must be true.
>
> Yes... I'm again. I think my years of wild hedonism have finally caught up to
> me. Ok... theres maybe five of them by my counting.
>
> I blame the under-sleeping and over-drinking. Regardless... trying to move
> forward in health and cheer.
>
> Currently, and shockingly, there are some kids under the tutelage of a mildly
> plump woman learning kung-fu. Rare. I see lots of taichi, lots of bad
> instrumentalists, but this is probably the most impressive single display of
> cultural discipline i've seen in China in a while. Refreshing.
>
> Anyhow back to the llamas.
>
> I was thinking about my station, my function, my direction and a few other
> things that probably end in -tion.... and one of the things i've become
> preoccupied with recently is, for lack of a better term ~ putting in roots.
>
> The allure of a gypsy lifestyle and traveling around "seeing the world" is
> losing some of its flair now that im seeing much of the flair in a culture is
> hidden within their rooted societies. Now - true, i've only really seen three
> cultures, but imma go ahead and make that hypothesis.
>
> A rooted society doesnt have to be stationary. If you look at North Americans,
> especially the young ones, we move all over the place. Theres college, post
> college, the first real job, maybe a second job, marriage. All of those stages
> could involve 2-4 years and then we move again. Realistically its not a long
> time, but I think theres still a commitment to a society they want to be a part
> of. Some of it is family driven, others career, but each of those aims still
> includes them in a social group.
>
> So to put this a little more plainly, theres always my bottom line of "what do I
> wanna be" but im also tinkering around with what it would mean to commit myself
> more instead of holding back. I dont think i've held back from how ive
> approached my adventures, but i've definitely limited one adventure for the sake
> of pursuing another.
>
> No idea what rooting would mean for me, but ridiculous fancies of llamas and the
> like definitely are on the list of random but wonderful.
>
> Ah, to some of the meat as well.
>
> Just got a text today from the functional manager (Chinese ~ awesome lady) of
> the kids school saying the following:
>
> Maple: ""Big news! Maria wants me to ask you if you want to be the kids
> supervisor of teaching. Sounds like she got some new idea from a Hong Kong guy.
> You may need to do some working hours, I guess you can ask for a raise for
> salary.
>
> Me: Interesting concept. what all does it include and what does ""working hours"
> mean? Im open to the idea. I just want to now more.
>
> Maple: She did not say it clearly (peter ammended "typical"). Let me think. You
> are in charge of everything, teaching and sales. She though your out going
> personality will help us work well. I think she wants to make sure you're gonna
> stay here.
>
> Me: Bahahah. thanks. I will think about it.
>
> Maple: Typical chinese politician way to make someone stay. It is not a bad
> thing anyway. You can think about it. I will reply to her and say you are
> thinking.
>
> --
>
> I do so enjoy honest relationships. I've been honest and clear with Maple and
> she returns the favour: hahaha.
>
> If it doesn't require me tying myself down for a year, i'll consider it. Might
> help me walk out of this firestorm with a few less burns if I work it right.
>
> --
>
> It might be fun to be a sheikh... i'll need mighty herds of llamas for that one,
> or my enemies won't respect and fear me.
>
>
Mighty Herds
attaining mighty herds thanks to a mass murderer in
Norway! ITS BRILLIANT!
For those of you interested in the actual story I was reading, here is the link:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14591013
Its about Anders Behring Breivik the "gunman" who organized the Oslo bombing at
the end of July and continued in is quest of destruction on a small island youth
camp run by the ruling Labour party killing 68 people...
(all facts yeilded from the following link http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14591013)
If you look at the final few lines of the article listed above, Breivik believes
that his massacre was necessary to save Norway and Europe from Muslims and
multiculturalism.
Hmm, Muslims and multiculturalism. Two things im quite fond of. So here we have
this man with the know-how and the drive to take the lives of a very large
number of people ~ a deathcount of 76 people in three hours and one minute.
INcredible.
He knew how to do what he did, its not an accident. THat is not the work of
insanity, thats the work of reasoning malice ~ something a lot more frightening.
Now this blog isnt really about the malice of a hatefilled Norwegian, its about
my mighty herds, and how I can achieve it.
So what do alpaca llamas and mass-murder have in common? Norway.
If your jaw is unhinged and the only sound that comes to mind is "uhhhhhh?", let
me take this moment to show you my thoughts. I'll have to beat around the bush
for a while, because I don't see an effective thesis statement that will make
this easier. But sit back and enjoy the read, because I enjoy writing it ^_^
~ A thought that has often entered my mind since I was young and starving for
identity was the idea of "going back to my roots."
I like many North Americans are very ill-acquainted with my roots, so much so in
fact that i'm pretty sure that I sprouted up without any.
If you ask me my heritage I can tell you maybe the first five layers on my
mother and fathers sides...combined.. (is that only two layers then? hmm).
Norwegian and Danish on dad's side... and then evidently there are some angry
but shockingly beautiful Irish folk on that side too... whatever then theres
mom's side with the Irish and Scottish and the token Native American Nationality
of your choice. I'd like to say Apache or Comanche cause I think its cool ~ but
its probably cherokee because everyone is....
So as I developed and gained what I hope to be wisdom, I came to my own personal
stage of life where I decided that my so called heritage was something that was
not really claimable as a part of my own identity. No one alive in my family can
speak Norwegian or Danish, or Gaelic, or Comanche (Cherokee), and you can be
darn certain that we dont obey any of the customs or honour any of the holidays.
As such, how can you really claim to be from a culture if all of the traces
aside from this massive Norwegian/Danish forehead and screaming whiteness, have
been lost to the dust of time?
So instead of trying to hold onto my so called "roots" I as a matter of natural
tendency and, including a healthy degree of pushing from my parents, began to
inoculate myself with 'foreign' cultures (to include the wider array of
cultures.. not just beyond country borders, but also country internal and
sub-cultures). Instead of being a bush or a tree, I'm more like some of that
climbing Ivy that makes old buildings looks o cool. I latch on to other things
and gain awesomeness via synergy.
Virginia creeper is possibly the best name ever for a plant (related to ivy I
believe)... especially the way my mom says it.
To start coming full circle... (waxing or waning? is the glass half empty now or
half full? you decide, and Freud will interpret.)
...I was thinking about how I will ever get my mighty herds if i keep jumping
all over creation halfway looking for meaning and never finding any kind of
anchor on life... essentially being like a drunk (if not ACTUALLY being a
drunk): enjoying most of my time, but not having much to show for it aside from
some wonderful stories which sometimes get forgotten. (not that I look down on
wonderful stories)
I want to make more of a mark, not just wonderful gestures of kindness and
giving a demo class that'll knock your socks off.
So what do I get riled up by? Malice and cultural ignorance/more importantly
intolerance of cultural differences and or the growth of culture.
Heres the new 100% set in stone master plan. Enjoy my time cooking in China and
learning to actually enjoy teaching children here (odd how this happens). Go to
Korea and study Korean, maybe learn Hapkido just for kicks and giggles (well not
JUST I guess), and then not necessarily in this order, go to Norway and learn
Norwegian, before after or during getting a masters and or Ph.D on the focus of
estranged Ethnic societies -- particularly such as us in North America ~ who
have no genuine connection to an ethnic identity and left with the serious
question of "what does home mean." Applying to refugees and minority estranged
groups as well.
Then I can buy or have built (I am not my father. I have no interest in using my
own beautiful hands to do it...) a lovely house in most likely the Pacific
Northwest of North America and spend my off time raising llamas, entertaining
what I imagine will be a very wide network of international friends and
contacts, and researching and writing tomes of multicultural brilliance.
As a hobby I might also include defending the world from those who hate
multiculturalism by having deep and riveting conversations... and maybe through
smashing their world to bits with my, by that time highly polished, hapkido
skills.
There you have it:
Mighty Herds,
Norway! ITS BRILLIANT!
For those of you interested in the actual story I was reading, here is the link:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14591013
Its about Anders Behring Breivik the "gunman" who organized the Oslo bombing at
the end of July and continued in is quest of destruction on a small island youth
camp run by the ruling Labour party killing 68 people...
(all facts yeilded from the following link http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-14591013)
If you look at the final few lines of the article listed above, Breivik believes
that his massacre was necessary to save Norway and Europe from Muslims and
multiculturalism.
Hmm, Muslims and multiculturalism. Two things im quite fond of. So here we have
this man with the know-how and the drive to take the lives of a very large
number of people ~ a deathcount of 76 people in three hours and one minute.
INcredible.
He knew how to do what he did, its not an accident. THat is not the work of
insanity, thats the work of reasoning malice ~ something a lot more frightening.
Now this blog isnt really about the malice of a hatefilled Norwegian, its about
my mighty herds, and how I can achieve it.
So what do alpaca llamas and mass-murder have in common? Norway.
If your jaw is unhinged and the only sound that comes to mind is "uhhhhhh?", let
me take this moment to show you my thoughts. I'll have to beat around the bush
for a while, because I don't see an effective thesis statement that will make
this easier. But sit back and enjoy the read, because I enjoy writing it ^_^
~ A thought that has often entered my mind since I was young and starving for
identity was the idea of "going back to my roots."
I like many North Americans are very ill-acquainted with my roots, so much so in
fact that i'm pretty sure that I sprouted up without any.
If you ask me my heritage I can tell you maybe the first five layers on my
mother and fathers sides...combined.. (is that only two layers then? hmm).
Norwegian and Danish on dad's side... and then evidently there are some angry
but shockingly beautiful Irish folk on that side too... whatever then theres
mom's side with the Irish and Scottish and the token Native American Nationality
of your choice. I'd like to say Apache or Comanche cause I think its cool ~ but
its probably cherokee because everyone is....
So as I developed and gained what I hope to be wisdom, I came to my own personal
stage of life where I decided that my so called heritage was something that was
not really claimable as a part of my own identity. No one alive in my family can
speak Norwegian or Danish, or Gaelic, or Comanche (Cherokee), and you can be
darn certain that we dont obey any of the customs or honour any of the holidays.
As such, how can you really claim to be from a culture if all of the traces
aside from this massive Norwegian/Danish forehead and screaming whiteness, have
been lost to the dust of time?
So instead of trying to hold onto my so called "roots" I as a matter of natural
tendency and, including a healthy degree of pushing from my parents, began to
inoculate myself with 'foreign' cultures (to include the wider array of
cultures.. not just beyond country borders, but also country internal and
sub-cultures). Instead of being a bush or a tree, I'm more like some of that
climbing Ivy that makes old buildings looks o cool. I latch on to other things
and gain awesomeness via synergy.
Virginia creeper is possibly the best name ever for a plant (related to ivy I
believe)... especially the way my mom says it.
To start coming full circle... (waxing or waning? is the glass half empty now or
half full? you decide, and Freud will interpret.)
...I was thinking about how I will ever get my mighty herds if i keep jumping
all over creation halfway looking for meaning and never finding any kind of
anchor on life... essentially being like a drunk (if not ACTUALLY being a
drunk): enjoying most of my time, but not having much to show for it aside from
some wonderful stories which sometimes get forgotten. (not that I look down on
wonderful stories)
I want to make more of a mark, not just wonderful gestures of kindness and
giving a demo class that'll knock your socks off.
So what do I get riled up by? Malice and cultural ignorance/more importantly
intolerance of cultural differences and or the growth of culture.
Heres the new 100% set in stone master plan. Enjoy my time cooking in China and
learning to actually enjoy teaching children here (odd how this happens). Go to
Korea and study Korean, maybe learn Hapkido just for kicks and giggles (well not
JUST I guess), and then not necessarily in this order, go to Norway and learn
Norwegian, before after or during getting a masters and or Ph.D on the focus of
estranged Ethnic societies -- particularly such as us in North America ~ who
have no genuine connection to an ethnic identity and left with the serious
question of "what does home mean." Applying to refugees and minority estranged
groups as well.
Then I can buy or have built (I am not my father. I have no interest in using my
own beautiful hands to do it...) a lovely house in most likely the Pacific
Northwest of North America and spend my off time raising llamas, entertaining
what I imagine will be a very wide network of international friends and
contacts, and researching and writing tomes of multicultural brilliance.
As a hobby I might also include defending the world from those who hate
multiculturalism by having deep and riveting conversations... and maybe through
smashing their world to bits with my, by that time highly polished, hapkido
skills.
There you have it:
Mighty Herds,
Thursday, August 4, 2011
The RIGHT kind of Crazy
The Right Kind of Crazy
I've seen myself settling into the groove. I've actually begun to derive some
degree of pleasure from teaching these kids classes, and working half of my
contracted hours while getting paid the same... isnt too bad a deal. Though
there is a side kick to this deal.
I'm getting lazy and i've lost my passion. I dont have the interest to study, to
grow or pursue... almost anything.
I like that least of all.
So I've found myself trying to bring back passion and fire.
I think its a lot like university when I realized that I was basically
insensitive and devoid of interpersonal emotion~ and went on a quest to change
it. Lets say that by the end of my quest I was sensitive enough to be moved to
tears by Charlottes web. But the be fair it IS a moving movie.. sorry for the
redundancy.
I was thinking today, how to abandon my self-imposed duties and get back to
fanning the fire of something a bit more worth while.
Im rebelling against China within myself right now. Mostly because i dont wanna
have the same goals that essentially every chinese person has. I want something
different.
So here is my newest hair-brained scheme: go to Korea and spend all of my money
on a university program that'll take a year and a half to gain proficiency in
Korean. Study Hapkido for kicks and giggles (groan), and get some of that one
thing i've been craving for a while: Perspective. Something that doesn't exist
in this country...
After that HAHA~ I can move to one of the three major areas of China that have
large Korean populations and continue to refine my languages simultaneously
while blowing glass and teaching English.
Its brilliant I say.
The ridiculous of it made me smile. and I'm pretty sure I felt a couple
ice-chips flake of of my heart, which in and of itself is worth it. I want more
of that.
The right kind of crazy.
Love you all, Hope your well.
RE: Mum~ please post.
I've seen myself settling into the groove. I've actually begun to derive some
degree of pleasure from teaching these kids classes, and working half of my
contracted hours while getting paid the same... isnt too bad a deal. Though
there is a side kick to this deal.
I'm getting lazy and i've lost my passion. I dont have the interest to study, to
grow or pursue... almost anything.
I like that least of all.
So I've found myself trying to bring back passion and fire.
I think its a lot like university when I realized that I was basically
insensitive and devoid of interpersonal emotion~ and went on a quest to change
it. Lets say that by the end of my quest I was sensitive enough to be moved to
tears by Charlottes web. But the be fair it IS a moving movie.. sorry for the
redundancy.
I was thinking today, how to abandon my self-imposed duties and get back to
fanning the fire of something a bit more worth while.
Im rebelling against China within myself right now. Mostly because i dont wanna
have the same goals that essentially every chinese person has. I want something
different.
So here is my newest hair-brained scheme: go to Korea and spend all of my money
on a university program that'll take a year and a half to gain proficiency in
Korean. Study Hapkido for kicks and giggles (groan), and get some of that one
thing i've been craving for a while: Perspective. Something that doesn't exist
in this country...
After that HAHA~ I can move to one of the three major areas of China that have
large Korean populations and continue to refine my languages simultaneously
while blowing glass and teaching English.
Its brilliant I say.
The ridiculous of it made me smile. and I'm pretty sure I felt a couple
ice-chips flake of of my heart, which in and of itself is worth it. I want more
of that.
The right kind of crazy.
Love you all, Hope your well.
RE: Mum~ please post.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Part 1 Train rides and unexpected things
Shangqiu 1 - The Train and Otherwise Unexpected Things
I swear - its those things you just don’t expect that really do get you.
Things like a fly in your meal at a restaurant.
Things like getting the flu right as your favourite band comes into town for a concert.
Things like not eating a real meal before getting on a 2.5 hour train to another city during the dinner time frame. Instant noodles have their place, but not as a base for the wrath and vengeance of baijiu (BAI joe) in a reunion dinner with an adoptive family you haven’t seen in a year...
oh yes.. these things happen... in China
(remind me to go somewhere that alcohol is illegal for my next language, I think my body is gonna need it before too long)
Well lets start at the beginning.
－－－
Took the train - pleasant as always, right on schedule ~ lots of room.
My friend and I sat down at our seats across from a rather cute girl who was off in her corner doing cute chinese girl things... like taking pictures of herself and doing her best to eat a KFC chicken burger delicately. She succeeded.
Hadn’t spoken to my friend in the longest time, so we chatted it up for the first hour and a half of our trip, I ate my instant noodles, which were no where near as wonderful as the should have been given that the first time I added water, the “hot” water dispenser was at best a very warm water dispenser- and that just doesn’t cut it for health destroying noodles. Second time around I had to pour off some of the flavour filled poison to get it hot enough... which more or less worked. Kept me from being starving which was helpful~ until the baijiu 2-3 hours later.
After we both kind of ran out of interesting things to say, we started to play cards, eventually I learned a super-common chinese card game that doesn’t really have a name because thats what chinese people always play evidently. I won every time... somehow. I’m fast, but not usually good at strategy games, which this was: so I don’t get what happened that made me such “hot stuff”.
I suggested we add the mystery girl sitting adjacent to us because she was pretending not to evesdrop and listen to her music the whole time... but lets face it - I’m just too darn charming :D and she laughed a few times.
SOOO she joined, we played mystery game for the next 45 or so minutes. I continued to win every game.
They really should have stopped giving me advice.
We got near the end of our trip and as my friend and I had been chatting with this new girl - I decided that she should be a new part of my friend group. I have her business card ~ she’s 23 and a typical accountant slave for some local company in ZZ not far from my favourite coffee shop. I think we’ll go. ^_^
In answer to your question - yes
I’m pretty sure I hear Wall-E rolling around somewhere playing the “It only takes a moment” song from Hello Dolly (both great movies).
I walked off that train with my other friend saying to me... “I’m pretty sure you’ll see her again.”
Have to say... I’ve never ended up realizing that i’d ended up with a crush on a 2.5 hour train ride before. I think its funny if nothing else~
MOVING ON! No time for questions now!
Second, she’s just normal ~ but not. I dunno how you all feel about this concept, but I like to be disillusioned with the idea that people have a kind of aura. You can kind of feel people even when you don’t have any other of the five main senses to guide you.
My first (and only haha) girlfriend and I had what we to this day call “A creepy connection.” There were times where we would know, almost like ESP (extra sensory perception) where the other was. No way either of us could really know according to the general 5 senses, but somehow we knew. For example: we were studying together another friend. This friend got up and walked away to go do something. Few minutes later, girlfriend (fairly recently made normal friend at the time actually) falls asleep with the book in her hand and it fell to the floor and made a loud noise. Noise didn’t wake her up... I though it was funny so I silently stole away to go whisper the situation to our other friend. We both had a visually loud, vocally mute - hearty belly laugh. Moments later, girlfriend wakes up and looks around kind of dazed. I asked her - did your book wake you up? “No” she says. “I just knew you’d gone and wondered where you disappeared to, so I woke up.”
Odd eh?
Other times, I’d be waiting for her in lobby according to the segregated dormitory system of a Christian university where men aren’t even allowed into the general living area of women.
I’d think she said something to me, so i’d get up to look annnnd.... she’s not there.
Seconds later she walks through the door. “What’s that you said?” I ask her.
“I ain’t said nuthin’ foo” she responds (ok she didn’t actually say THAT but you get the idea)
There are other instances, but I’m not gonna bore you with them.
So anyhow the point is that I had a strange sense about this girl. She seemed just normal, but not. If I had to give her a colour... it’d be purple.
Cute - YAH! but there’s lots of cute people im not at ALL interested in here. In fact this is the first crush I can remember having in... we’ll there’s been another somewhat recently but I don’t wanna focus on that now.
I like people that perceive. People who are aware but don’t gawk. In China its sooooo common to be stared at. I still don’t like it.
She was eve’s dropping all over the place. She wasn’t staring, but at the same time was keeping track of what was going on. When my friend and I were playing cards at first, and she was minding her own business ~ she’d chuckle when she thought something was funny, but didn’t feel the need to insert herself in the situation.
Lord I love polite. ~ Can I just reinstate that?! I’ve learned to deal with a certain disregard to order and my imperialistic use of the word “civilization.”
Aside from that, once we started playing cards ~ personality really kicked in. Purple for sure.
I’m not even sure how to describe it ~ its not the same happy cute bunny persona that so many chinese try to put on. Lord I hate the word happy now. I hear it in Chinese every day and I just want to spit on everyone who says it. Seriously - these thoughts go through my mind. I start haukin’!
It was almost half-emo but not so over the top. BUT there were also those moments where genuine cheerfulness and real laughter would come through. ohhhh my. Now thats just fun.
She just was - she wasn’t trying too hard to fake it for a foreigner.
Who knows ~ Coffee is harmless right?
I’ve been reflecting on it for a few days now - why do I think I got myself a little crush on mystery girl.
There’s a few elements: first I think i’ve started to open myself to the idea of MAYBE dating someone. Before it was just no no no no NO! stop suggesting it people! I dont want it! Then I started to think, as you’ve all seen me do if you’ve been reading these blogs~ maybe I do want it. I dont. But maybe... hmmm.
I’ve spent so much time not wanting to date, for a number of reasons ~ which i’ll not fully expand here because its deeply personal and other things would just take too long. The big thing is I don’t want to waste my life on a fling. Everybody has those ~ I want something different.
I still want something different, but the more I watch, the less genuine pairs I see. I see lots of couples, but few that really fit together. The ones that do make me smile.
But more than wanting someone thats necessarily “my fit” - what I want is to try and figure out what that means.
I conclusion I came to a while ago that a big part of why I’ve not really been interested in most girls is that I think I was too busy looking for God inside of them. I was looking for someone who was “perfect”... and so help me its just not there. I don’t think theres really that YinYang relationship out there people! No one compliments you perfectly. But - there can be someone who complements you well.
A friend told me a few months ago, “Don’t worry about it, just keep rockin’ your swaggah.” Which basically means (for you old and or foreign people ^_^) Be yourself. (nowhere near as much fun to say as swaggah “swagger...”)
I want someone who is interested in getting to know me ~ but still wants to be themselves. it doesn’t need to be a girlfriend - certainly doesn’t need to be a wife.
Great authors like J.R. Tolkien, C.S Louis, Mark Twain, Robert Frost, all those random poets that I actually kinda hate all had their pen pals, people they could sound ideas off of and “go through life with” why can’t I?
Now there’s all of you. I love you ~ indeed I do. But I need a few more people on this side of the ocean, and I will expand my dominion in every which way thank you very much.
We have a phrase - make love not war. We say, “he’s a lover, not a fighter...” Why not be both? King David was ~ bit of a horn dog honestly, but for someone who took so many lives and was soooooo obscenely courageous on the field of battle, he was also really sensitive and humanly fragile - in ways most of us these days are not.
So what im saying is that I have know idea or plans for what will happen here. And thats what I want to leave it at. I just wanna see. And I want the freedom to see. I guess this is basically me trying to give myself that freedom.
I think “Hello Dolly” is everything im thinking of right now... b/c “Before the Parade Passes By” is running through my head.
I swear - its those things you just don’t expect that really do get you.
Things like a fly in your meal at a restaurant.
Things like getting the flu right as your favourite band comes into town for a concert.
Things like not eating a real meal before getting on a 2.5 hour train to another city during the dinner time frame. Instant noodles have their place, but not as a base for the wrath and vengeance of baijiu (BAI joe) in a reunion dinner with an adoptive family you haven’t seen in a year...
oh yes.. these things happen... in China
(remind me to go somewhere that alcohol is illegal for my next language, I think my body is gonna need it before too long)
Well lets start at the beginning.
－－－
Took the train - pleasant as always, right on schedule ~ lots of room.
My friend and I sat down at our seats across from a rather cute girl who was off in her corner doing cute chinese girl things... like taking pictures of herself and doing her best to eat a KFC chicken burger delicately. She succeeded.
Hadn’t spoken to my friend in the longest time, so we chatted it up for the first hour and a half of our trip, I ate my instant noodles, which were no where near as wonderful as the should have been given that the first time I added water, the “hot” water dispenser was at best a very warm water dispenser- and that just doesn’t cut it for health destroying noodles. Second time around I had to pour off some of the flavour filled poison to get it hot enough... which more or less worked. Kept me from being starving which was helpful~ until the baijiu 2-3 hours later.
After we both kind of ran out of interesting things to say, we started to play cards, eventually I learned a super-common chinese card game that doesn’t really have a name because thats what chinese people always play evidently. I won every time... somehow. I’m fast, but not usually good at strategy games, which this was: so I don’t get what happened that made me such “hot stuff”.
I suggested we add the mystery girl sitting adjacent to us because she was pretending not to evesdrop and listen to her music the whole time... but lets face it - I’m just too darn charming :D and she laughed a few times.
SOOO she joined, we played mystery game for the next 45 or so minutes. I continued to win every game.
They really should have stopped giving me advice.
We got near the end of our trip and as my friend and I had been chatting with this new girl - I decided that she should be a new part of my friend group. I have her business card ~ she’s 23 and a typical accountant slave for some local company in ZZ not far from my favourite coffee shop. I think we’ll go. ^_^
In answer to your question - yes
I’m pretty sure I hear Wall-E rolling around somewhere playing the “It only takes a moment” song from Hello Dolly (both great movies).
I walked off that train with my other friend saying to me... “I’m pretty sure you’ll see her again.”
Have to say... I’ve never ended up realizing that i’d ended up with a crush on a 2.5 hour train ride before. I think its funny if nothing else~
MOVING ON! No time for questions now!
Second, she’s just normal ~ but not. I dunno how you all feel about this concept, but I like to be disillusioned with the idea that people have a kind of aura. You can kind of feel people even when you don’t have any other of the five main senses to guide you.
My first (and only haha) girlfriend and I had what we to this day call “A creepy connection.” There were times where we would know, almost like ESP (extra sensory perception) where the other was. No way either of us could really know according to the general 5 senses, but somehow we knew. For example: we were studying together another friend. This friend got up and walked away to go do something. Few minutes later, girlfriend (fairly recently made normal friend at the time actually) falls asleep with the book in her hand and it fell to the floor and made a loud noise. Noise didn’t wake her up... I though it was funny so I silently stole away to go whisper the situation to our other friend. We both had a visually loud, vocally mute - hearty belly laugh. Moments later, girlfriend wakes up and looks around kind of dazed. I asked her - did your book wake you up? “No” she says. “I just knew you’d gone and wondered where you disappeared to, so I woke up.”
Odd eh?
Other times, I’d be waiting for her in lobby according to the segregated dormitory system of a Christian university where men aren’t even allowed into the general living area of women.
I’d think she said something to me, so i’d get up to look annnnd.... she’s not there.
Seconds later she walks through the door. “What’s that you said?” I ask her.
“I ain’t said nuthin’ foo” she responds (ok she didn’t actually say THAT but you get the idea)
There are other instances, but I’m not gonna bore you with them.
So anyhow the point is that I had a strange sense about this girl. She seemed just normal, but not. If I had to give her a colour... it’d be purple.
Cute - YAH! but there’s lots of cute people im not at ALL interested in here. In fact this is the first crush I can remember having in... we’ll there’s been another somewhat recently but I don’t wanna focus on that now.
I like people that perceive. People who are aware but don’t gawk. In China its sooooo common to be stared at. I still don’t like it.
She was eve’s dropping all over the place. She wasn’t staring, but at the same time was keeping track of what was going on. When my friend and I were playing cards at first, and she was minding her own business ~ she’d chuckle when she thought something was funny, but didn’t feel the need to insert herself in the situation.
Lord I love polite. ~ Can I just reinstate that?! I’ve learned to deal with a certain disregard to order and my imperialistic use of the word “civilization.”
Aside from that, once we started playing cards ~ personality really kicked in. Purple for sure.
I’m not even sure how to describe it ~ its not the same happy cute bunny persona that so many chinese try to put on. Lord I hate the word happy now. I hear it in Chinese every day and I just want to spit on everyone who says it. Seriously - these thoughts go through my mind. I start haukin’!
It was almost half-emo but not so over the top. BUT there were also those moments where genuine cheerfulness and real laughter would come through. ohhhh my. Now thats just fun.
She just was - she wasn’t trying too hard to fake it for a foreigner.
Who knows ~ Coffee is harmless right?
I’ve been reflecting on it for a few days now - why do I think I got myself a little crush on mystery girl.
There’s a few elements: first I think i’ve started to open myself to the idea of MAYBE dating someone. Before it was just no no no no NO! stop suggesting it people! I dont want it! Then I started to think, as you’ve all seen me do if you’ve been reading these blogs~ maybe I do want it. I dont. But maybe... hmmm.
I’ve spent so much time not wanting to date, for a number of reasons ~ which i’ll not fully expand here because its deeply personal and other things would just take too long. The big thing is I don’t want to waste my life on a fling. Everybody has those ~ I want something different.
I still want something different, but the more I watch, the less genuine pairs I see. I see lots of couples, but few that really fit together. The ones that do make me smile.
But more than wanting someone thats necessarily “my fit” - what I want is to try and figure out what that means.
I conclusion I came to a while ago that a big part of why I’ve not really been interested in most girls is that I think I was too busy looking for God inside of them. I was looking for someone who was “perfect”... and so help me its just not there. I don’t think theres really that YinYang relationship out there people! No one compliments you perfectly. But - there can be someone who complements you well.
A friend told me a few months ago, “Don’t worry about it, just keep rockin’ your swaggah.” Which basically means (for you old and or foreign people ^_^) Be yourself. (nowhere near as much fun to say as swaggah “swagger...”)
I want someone who is interested in getting to know me ~ but still wants to be themselves. it doesn’t need to be a girlfriend - certainly doesn’t need to be a wife.
Great authors like J.R. Tolkien, C.S Louis, Mark Twain, Robert Frost, all those random poets that I actually kinda hate all had their pen pals, people they could sound ideas off of and “go through life with” why can’t I?
Now there’s all of you. I love you ~ indeed I do. But I need a few more people on this side of the ocean, and I will expand my dominion in every which way thank you very much.
We have a phrase - make love not war. We say, “he’s a lover, not a fighter...” Why not be both? King David was ~ bit of a horn dog honestly, but for someone who took so many lives and was soooooo obscenely courageous on the field of battle, he was also really sensitive and humanly fragile - in ways most of us these days are not.
So what im saying is that I have know idea or plans for what will happen here. And thats what I want to leave it at. I just wanna see. And I want the freedom to see. I guess this is basically me trying to give myself that freedom.
I think “Hello Dolly” is everything im thinking of right now... b/c “Before the Parade Passes By” is running through my head.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Kung -fu Panda
With my wonderful connections to the people at Henan Channel 9, I got to see the media Pre-release of Kung-fu Panda 2. It was in Chinese... and Chinese voice actors are not any where near as good as English speaking ones. Still had some flavah though, so im most definitely gonna see that deranged peacock again in English.
I was pleased. I wasn’t expecting much. There was a whole new avenue (done before in “real” kung-fu movies, but still nice) that they took, and i felt they did a good job of making it “awesome.”
It was interesting in some sense, because the story tracks Po’s change from his kinda blah kung-fu to realizing the value of Taichi. Instead of being all hard (which he isn’t anyway) accept the soft as well. It also finally answers the question of “why is his dad a duck?”
Though, like most good stories, it got my dander up, and I have been spending the rest of the day on overdrive trying to figure out the meaning of my life. Even im tired of that line of thought~ but its part of what makes me me.
Anyhow - I went to the bathhouse in an attempt to get myself to chill out and stop being so hopped up on potential for the future. Didn’t work. Hot, Hot, Hot - did not get me to that stage where I could let myself go. I over-heated faster than usual.
And then I headed to the cold pool.
I’ve heard of Cold showers before and they’re magical uses for the overly hormonal (who isnt...). This time though, it had a different use. I was mentally in overdrive, and once I settled in after the initial shock of being in a warm room and having been in hot water, going into rather brisk water, my mind finally went still.
---
I know I haven’t written in a while. Im sorry for the lack of contact (that and something is up with my computer so my microphone is currently out of commission... very frustrating... especially without a genius bar at the apple store to solve my problems.)
I’ve been in a doldrums stage. For those of you unfamiliar with the term “the doldrums” where/ are a situation/period of time where there is no wind in the particular area of sea where sailors are. When you have a sailboat... thats a problem... It was a time known to drive people insane! And with good reason. The feeling of not moving forward when you are supposed to be moving forward is vexing.
I thought that was where I was because I didn’t have what I though should be measurable and observable growth.
The cold water though helped me to realize something (can you tell I like metaphor?)
The old chinese idea of Yin and Yang (the white black circle thingy) is all about balance~ and I think im at the Yin stage (negative/female).
I’ve had so much growth in a variety of arenas, I think this stage im at is more reflective and reevaluating. I’m constantly reflecting and reevaluating, thats one of my favourite pass-times, which is why I think this took me by surprise.
This kind of reflection isn’t the kind im used to. I’m used to using the past as a way to move forward (future), but I think I need to use the past to deal with now (present). Its small semantic distinction which is part of why I think i’ve been missing the point.
---
Here and Now
Current events:
I am going to be on a “sketch” (like a small show as a part of a larger show for Henan channel 9).
My other show with Channel 9 is being put on hiatus while the station waits for official paper work to go through to make me a legal part of their operation... something foresight once again did not reveal. It’ll be a month or two.
So - that will mean life will be different
Also different, most of my friends are disappearing from Zhengzhou for the summer. People are moving on, or going out of town. Aussie buddy at work is going to Australia for about a month (June). Oklahoman friend and his wife are going to Beijing for about 2 months to go work on his Chinese, which im glad for: I need more white buddies who can speak Chinese ~ for frill and vanity’s sake. American friend - going back to America.. etc
Am I depressed: no. Ask me in a month or so... but not yet.
I think right now is part of the reflecting stage. Its gonna be a bit more introverted, but that seems to be the trend.
I dont feel like traveling too much. I do want to go see the great wall finally, but maybe that’ll be when I go visit my friends in Beijing when they go...
I think its just an autumn period where I get to look back on what i’ve learned and put it into practice.
I finished the reading the bible through a few months ago, and I find myself purposefully in the OT again. How odd is that ~ wouldn’t have done that before now. I find myself thoroughly infatuated with King David.
He had himself an action packed life. Theres no way he could have foreseen everything that happened to him - hence all the divination that man was doing. I think its funny that people get sooooo choked up about spirituality and consulting the supernatural, to the point that we dont even recognize that a lot of the old testament “seeking of God” was done through some VERY non-modern non-conservative fashions. But thats a topic for hopefully non-boring theologians to “unpack” as one of my teachers would say.
He had to take his life day by day, or he wouldnt have made it. He’d have died from ulcers or something waaaay before his time. He put his life in God’s hands and lived a life of - let me honour you and lead your people to honour you aswell. I think thats why I’m infatuated with him right now. He’s a ghosty bada** who wreaks havoc on the infidel, he purposefully sought out the will of God and made himself the little piece of metal in the middle of the compass, and still had personality. Though I’m not interested in quite so many concubines ~ thank you very much.
I’m back in 2nd Samuel... which oddly enough has no Samuel in it, because he dies half-way through 1st Samuel... go figure, trying to find out more.
In this, the autumn of my exile stage (5-6 months until I return home for my first visit in 2 years 3/4ths there... autumn...) I’m going to take a chance to breathe and study my butt off so that I can be at a more stable level in Mandarin. I’m getting to the point where I can “settle in”, so I just need to go IN now and stop staying on the fringes.
Theres so much more to say, but I don’t think im ready to say it.
Love you all regardless, and I hope you’re doing well in your own journey. There’s no rest for the weary, but there might be a nice gentle stream with a canoe in it somewhere... just saying.
-Peter
I was pleased. I wasn’t expecting much. There was a whole new avenue (done before in “real” kung-fu movies, but still nice) that they took, and i felt they did a good job of making it “awesome.”
It was interesting in some sense, because the story tracks Po’s change from his kinda blah kung-fu to realizing the value of Taichi. Instead of being all hard (which he isn’t anyway) accept the soft as well. It also finally answers the question of “why is his dad a duck?”
Though, like most good stories, it got my dander up, and I have been spending the rest of the day on overdrive trying to figure out the meaning of my life. Even im tired of that line of thought~ but its part of what makes me me.
Anyhow - I went to the bathhouse in an attempt to get myself to chill out and stop being so hopped up on potential for the future. Didn’t work. Hot, Hot, Hot - did not get me to that stage where I could let myself go. I over-heated faster than usual.
And then I headed to the cold pool.
I’ve heard of Cold showers before and they’re magical uses for the overly hormonal (who isnt...). This time though, it had a different use. I was mentally in overdrive, and once I settled in after the initial shock of being in a warm room and having been in hot water, going into rather brisk water, my mind finally went still.
---
I know I haven’t written in a while. Im sorry for the lack of contact (that and something is up with my computer so my microphone is currently out of commission... very frustrating... especially without a genius bar at the apple store to solve my problems.)
I’ve been in a doldrums stage. For those of you unfamiliar with the term “the doldrums” where/ are a situation/period of time where there is no wind in the particular area of sea where sailors are. When you have a sailboat... thats a problem... It was a time known to drive people insane! And with good reason. The feeling of not moving forward when you are supposed to be moving forward is vexing.
I thought that was where I was because I didn’t have what I though should be measurable and observable growth.
The cold water though helped me to realize something (can you tell I like metaphor?)
The old chinese idea of Yin and Yang (the white black circle thingy) is all about balance~ and I think im at the Yin stage (negative/female).
I’ve had so much growth in a variety of arenas, I think this stage im at is more reflective and reevaluating. I’m constantly reflecting and reevaluating, thats one of my favourite pass-times, which is why I think this took me by surprise.
This kind of reflection isn’t the kind im used to. I’m used to using the past as a way to move forward (future), but I think I need to use the past to deal with now (present). Its small semantic distinction which is part of why I think i’ve been missing the point.
---
Here and Now
Current events:
I am going to be on a “sketch” (like a small show as a part of a larger show for Henan channel 9).
My other show with Channel 9 is being put on hiatus while the station waits for official paper work to go through to make me a legal part of their operation... something foresight once again did not reveal. It’ll be a month or two.
So - that will mean life will be different
Also different, most of my friends are disappearing from Zhengzhou for the summer. People are moving on, or going out of town. Aussie buddy at work is going to Australia for about a month (June). Oklahoman friend and his wife are going to Beijing for about 2 months to go work on his Chinese, which im glad for: I need more white buddies who can speak Chinese ~ for frill and vanity’s sake. American friend - going back to America.. etc
Am I depressed: no. Ask me in a month or so... but not yet.
I think right now is part of the reflecting stage. Its gonna be a bit more introverted, but that seems to be the trend.
I dont feel like traveling too much. I do want to go see the great wall finally, but maybe that’ll be when I go visit my friends in Beijing when they go...
I think its just an autumn period where I get to look back on what i’ve learned and put it into practice.
I finished the reading the bible through a few months ago, and I find myself purposefully in the OT again. How odd is that ~ wouldn’t have done that before now. I find myself thoroughly infatuated with King David.
He had himself an action packed life. Theres no way he could have foreseen everything that happened to him - hence all the divination that man was doing. I think its funny that people get sooooo choked up about spirituality and consulting the supernatural, to the point that we dont even recognize that a lot of the old testament “seeking of God” was done through some VERY non-modern non-conservative fashions. But thats a topic for hopefully non-boring theologians to “unpack” as one of my teachers would say.
He had to take his life day by day, or he wouldnt have made it. He’d have died from ulcers or something waaaay before his time. He put his life in God’s hands and lived a life of - let me honour you and lead your people to honour you aswell. I think thats why I’m infatuated with him right now. He’s a ghosty bada** who wreaks havoc on the infidel, he purposefully sought out the will of God and made himself the little piece of metal in the middle of the compass, and still had personality. Though I’m not interested in quite so many concubines ~ thank you very much.
I’m back in 2nd Samuel... which oddly enough has no Samuel in it, because he dies half-way through 1st Samuel... go figure, trying to find out more.
In this, the autumn of my exile stage (5-6 months until I return home for my first visit in 2 years 3/4ths there... autumn...) I’m going to take a chance to breathe and study my butt off so that I can be at a more stable level in Mandarin. I’m getting to the point where I can “settle in”, so I just need to go IN now and stop staying on the fringes.
Theres so much more to say, but I don’t think im ready to say it.
Love you all regardless, and I hope you’re doing well in your own journey. There’s no rest for the weary, but there might be a nice gentle stream with a canoe in it somewhere... just saying.
-Peter
Sunday, May 1, 2011
passion
Passion - if it doesn’t have an environment to burn in, it’ll burn you instead. Will you put it out?
I won’t
---
Slightly random, but I’ll share anyway. I think dreams are fascinating. I did some reading on sleep and what not a while ago when I was getting sick repeatedly, and thinking sleep might be part of my issue. Evidently the layers of sleep are quite different. The one in which you most often dream, also called the REM cycle, is restorative for one’s mind. The layer people refer to as “deep sleep” is usually a non-dreaming layer, but is restorative to the body.
The cue for that little tid-bit is my nap-taking habits. I am a proud, card-carrying member of the cat-nappers guild. I usually set my alarm for 20 minutes, fall asleep and wake up before my alarm goes off. Sometimes I even dream. Actually - fairly frequently. I think it is interesting, because REM sleep is generally a layer of sleep that takes a while to get to. I have gone through phases where I dont think I spend hardly any time in the REM phase and I wake up psychologically stagnant. I dunno if these naps are jumping straight into the REM layer like an infant (from my brief reading, infants evidently spend most of their time in the REM layer, whereas adults usually only spend about 20-25% of their sleep time in this layer), of if I just have some quirk where I frequently dream outside of the REM layer. I think the earlier explanation is more likely... I always was a weird one. That would also explain why I take such short naps and wake up ready to take on the world after 10 minutes or less of semi-to-un-conciousness. Anything longer than 30 minutes just destroys the rest of my day.
Food for thought...
---
I love thinking... my students dont...
---
The point of that whole interlude was a lead into vision/passion.
Passion is something that we love to talk about in the West right? Everyone is looking for “theirs.” To not have one is in many ways looked down on. Here in China, Passion can go both ways. If it leads you to becoming rich and/or famous (preferably “and”) then its great. But without the function, passion is viewed as a socially destructive element. Shoot, you should hear some of the views on video games. They even put my mother’s fervor to shame. :D
But my focus for this letter is in many ways a question, which i’ll be getting to in a moment. I think its another piece in one of the lines of reasoning I was looking into earlier.
In my point of view, I think passion is a lot like fire. It has the same creative and destructive potential. Think of all the glorious range of experiences we are afforded because of fire: which do you prefer - golden-brown recently roasted cheese on top of pizza or room temperature sweaty cheese on top of cold bread. Bread itself... does it even stand to the question of which is better? Fresh from the oven, or a day later? hmmm.
Then there’s the family that is forced to rearrange their lives because of fire, possibly even coping with the loss of a member if circumstances are unfortunate enough. The years of history and artifacts that people lived with, all gone and tossed to the wind. Forest fires: decades of growth erased, ecosystems completely rearranged if not erased, and aside from the pine-tree/pine cone that thrives on such depressing affairs, there isn’t a whole lot of hope from the events themselves.
But it is necessary to an extent.
I’ll look for a reference for you if you want, but when I was reading Ecclesiastes I read something that went to the effect of: sadness is good for the heart. I’ve always agreed with that for myself, and I generally agree with that in many applications. So long as it ends up turning around at some point. Sadness makes you appreciate the good so much more. A little bitterness helps you to appreciate love. Rain helps you appreciate the sun. Being sick causes you to reevaluate how important health is....and forever on down the road from there.
In an earlier blog I asked for your opinion on whether or not everyone had some sort of drive. Are people doomed to what some of us consider the mundane, or do they have the drive beaten out of them?
Let me add something else into the mix:
Since I was young I’ve asked God to give me something that I could pursue and burn for. I catch glimpses of it here and there, but much less than what it IS, I know a lot more that it is in fact there.
The way I know there is something else for me, is that it hurts not to have it.
My sister has a degree in psychology, so I hear all sorts of interesting terms like “self-fulfilling prophesy.” I don’t know if I understand it, but I think it means something that happens because you MADE it happen, and then you claim it as being something bestowed upon you by the environment. Basically you pretend to give yourself a divine mandate (like ALL the English Kings of history.... retards.)
So to be honest, I do have times when I worry about creating my own self-fulfilling prophesy, at which point I might be chasing clouds for the entirety of my life. But not chasing those clouds sounds much worse. Who wants to leave the matrix? If outside that dream chasing is only a cold truth with no way out? Why should we find it? Screw that, thank you very much. I have to believe in hope. It wouldn’t be worth it otherwise.
But, and theres always one (or two) of those, as I said earlier there is a destructive end to passion. Without something to feed passion, I think the passion itself burns those who have it. SHOOT! Have you ever seen West Side Story?!!
So it hurts, its socially destructive, and CERTAINLY destabilizing (no wonder China dislikes it). Is it worth it? Some say no, at which point you have to put out the fire so it stops burning you.
And then there’s me. I wouldn’t last without my fire. It hurts, but I need it. Its part of what defines me.
PS - dont watch “Sucker Punch”. Its hopeless. OR it tries at hope and leaves you dejected, because their concept of hope is everyone is either dead or empty, aside from a side character... Hopeless. Made me terribly angry for the rest of the day, until the blood of the vine and some good conversation got to me that is.
--
OH and let me fill you in on the current work situation, because thats obviously a permanent fixture in my “goings ons” here.
Boss threw a tantrum, so I got free advertising for our company each time I go on TV. Informed her and instead of replying to me, she sent an intermediary to get more information... what kind of advertising... are you getting paid?!! etc.
nonsense... and then afterwords, filling out an official report form related to meeting, I was told that the company is very happy for me...
Oh really... I have foul things to say about that. Oh wait - i’ve said them ^_^.
I’ve also been told by my friend, the boss of the teacher’s division at the IELTS center, that he was asked to translate into English an application form regarding foreign teachers extracurricular activities... and that the form involves something about my company saying I need to collect any pay recieved from the TV station... through our accounting department. The only reason I can see that that would have any use is that the company wants to siphon off a part... again... horse sh**.
Im not enjoying being tossed around like a 3 foot horse-jockey. Am I Italian?! I think not - now sod off.
That sort of operation has nothing to do with the negotiations I had at the contract signing four-and a half months ago.
Trying my patience... and my concept of tolerance is getting rather flexible... which is not always a favourable thing for flippant and ill-managed infidels.
I won’t
---
Slightly random, but I’ll share anyway. I think dreams are fascinating. I did some reading on sleep and what not a while ago when I was getting sick repeatedly, and thinking sleep might be part of my issue. Evidently the layers of sleep are quite different. The one in which you most often dream, also called the REM cycle, is restorative for one’s mind. The layer people refer to as “deep sleep” is usually a non-dreaming layer, but is restorative to the body.
The cue for that little tid-bit is my nap-taking habits. I am a proud, card-carrying member of the cat-nappers guild. I usually set my alarm for 20 minutes, fall asleep and wake up before my alarm goes off. Sometimes I even dream. Actually - fairly frequently. I think it is interesting, because REM sleep is generally a layer of sleep that takes a while to get to. I have gone through phases where I dont think I spend hardly any time in the REM phase and I wake up psychologically stagnant. I dunno if these naps are jumping straight into the REM layer like an infant (from my brief reading, infants evidently spend most of their time in the REM layer, whereas adults usually only spend about 20-25% of their sleep time in this layer), of if I just have some quirk where I frequently dream outside of the REM layer. I think the earlier explanation is more likely... I always was a weird one. That would also explain why I take such short naps and wake up ready to take on the world after 10 minutes or less of semi-to-un-conciousness. Anything longer than 30 minutes just destroys the rest of my day.
Food for thought...
---
I love thinking... my students dont...
---
The point of that whole interlude was a lead into vision/passion.
Passion is something that we love to talk about in the West right? Everyone is looking for “theirs.” To not have one is in many ways looked down on. Here in China, Passion can go both ways. If it leads you to becoming rich and/or famous (preferably “and”) then its great. But without the function, passion is viewed as a socially destructive element. Shoot, you should hear some of the views on video games. They even put my mother’s fervor to shame. :D
But my focus for this letter is in many ways a question, which i’ll be getting to in a moment. I think its another piece in one of the lines of reasoning I was looking into earlier.
In my point of view, I think passion is a lot like fire. It has the same creative and destructive potential. Think of all the glorious range of experiences we are afforded because of fire: which do you prefer - golden-brown recently roasted cheese on top of pizza or room temperature sweaty cheese on top of cold bread. Bread itself... does it even stand to the question of which is better? Fresh from the oven, or a day later? hmmm.
Then there’s the family that is forced to rearrange their lives because of fire, possibly even coping with the loss of a member if circumstances are unfortunate enough. The years of history and artifacts that people lived with, all gone and tossed to the wind. Forest fires: decades of growth erased, ecosystems completely rearranged if not erased, and aside from the pine-tree/pine cone that thrives on such depressing affairs, there isn’t a whole lot of hope from the events themselves.
But it is necessary to an extent.
I’ll look for a reference for you if you want, but when I was reading Ecclesiastes I read something that went to the effect of: sadness is good for the heart. I’ve always agreed with that for myself, and I generally agree with that in many applications. So long as it ends up turning around at some point. Sadness makes you appreciate the good so much more. A little bitterness helps you to appreciate love. Rain helps you appreciate the sun. Being sick causes you to reevaluate how important health is....and forever on down the road from there.
In an earlier blog I asked for your opinion on whether or not everyone had some sort of drive. Are people doomed to what some of us consider the mundane, or do they have the drive beaten out of them?
Let me add something else into the mix:
Since I was young I’ve asked God to give me something that I could pursue and burn for. I catch glimpses of it here and there, but much less than what it IS, I know a lot more that it is in fact there.
The way I know there is something else for me, is that it hurts not to have it.
My sister has a degree in psychology, so I hear all sorts of interesting terms like “self-fulfilling prophesy.” I don’t know if I understand it, but I think it means something that happens because you MADE it happen, and then you claim it as being something bestowed upon you by the environment. Basically you pretend to give yourself a divine mandate (like ALL the English Kings of history.... retards.)
So to be honest, I do have times when I worry about creating my own self-fulfilling prophesy, at which point I might be chasing clouds for the entirety of my life. But not chasing those clouds sounds much worse. Who wants to leave the matrix? If outside that dream chasing is only a cold truth with no way out? Why should we find it? Screw that, thank you very much. I have to believe in hope. It wouldn’t be worth it otherwise.
But, and theres always one (or two) of those, as I said earlier there is a destructive end to passion. Without something to feed passion, I think the passion itself burns those who have it. SHOOT! Have you ever seen West Side Story?!!
So it hurts, its socially destructive, and CERTAINLY destabilizing (no wonder China dislikes it). Is it worth it? Some say no, at which point you have to put out the fire so it stops burning you.
And then there’s me. I wouldn’t last without my fire. It hurts, but I need it. Its part of what defines me.
PS - dont watch “Sucker Punch”. Its hopeless. OR it tries at hope and leaves you dejected, because their concept of hope is everyone is either dead or empty, aside from a side character... Hopeless. Made me terribly angry for the rest of the day, until the blood of the vine and some good conversation got to me that is.
--
OH and let me fill you in on the current work situation, because thats obviously a permanent fixture in my “goings ons” here.
Boss threw a tantrum, so I got free advertising for our company each time I go on TV. Informed her and instead of replying to me, she sent an intermediary to get more information... what kind of advertising... are you getting paid?!! etc.
nonsense... and then afterwords, filling out an official report form related to meeting, I was told that the company is very happy for me...
Oh really... I have foul things to say about that. Oh wait - i’ve said them ^_^.
I’ve also been told by my friend, the boss of the teacher’s division at the IELTS center, that he was asked to translate into English an application form regarding foreign teachers extracurricular activities... and that the form involves something about my company saying I need to collect any pay recieved from the TV station... through our accounting department. The only reason I can see that that would have any use is that the company wants to siphon off a part... again... horse sh**.
Im not enjoying being tossed around like a 3 foot horse-jockey. Am I Italian?! I think not - now sod off.
That sort of operation has nothing to do with the negotiations I had at the contract signing four-and a half months ago.
Trying my patience... and my concept of tolerance is getting rather flexible... which is not always a favourable thing for flippant and ill-managed infidels.
Jealousy
Jealousy
Im currently enthralled by the concept of Jealousy. First off its rampant in China. Boy meets girl, other girl meets boy - jealousy. English school hires foreigner, foreigner talks to other chinese people, jealousy. Foreigner trades schools venomous jealousy that evidently washes away with time (my spies tell me that my previous boss would be interested in having me back... hmmm). Foreigner goes on TV for a new experience which is completely unrelated to English... in anyway: Vendetta grade jealousy. Granted, with this certain overgrown and over-permed juvenile ranking in at 40 years old, its also likely to wash away very quickly as long as the issue is addressed.
Im going to record again tomorrow. A key element will be me addressing the need to do some mild advertising for my company so that I can flip this problem on its head and become my boss’s conquering hero... ridiculous.
Anyhow. Aside from business related jealousy, I think there are much more normal and fodder for musical related themes of jealousy. Goodness every time I watch a chinese movie, or absently end up watching Chinese TV - someone is either killing them selves or killing someone else out of impassioned jealousy.
Goodness - people just dont know how to play the game. I think jealousy to me is so interesting and at the same time vexing, because it shows a complete lack of willingness to “let go.” Jealousy is the opposite of growth and creativity. Jealousy is (to me) an attempt to kill snow white so that you can be the fairest one of all. Its not like you really are the fairest, you just rank highest in whats left. Oh look, you’re king or queen of the dung-heap or frankenstein’s (monster’s) bride. (Take that Mr. Cavalli... I DO remember that frankenstein isn’t actually the monster’s name SHAZAM!)
Instead of wanting/being willing to make something better, its a desire to tear down. Its like the rusty blood encrusted barb-wire that tears open a deer on its way to the mountain top.
I hate it. With all the cold and bitter disdain that it deserves. I hardly think about it and the corners of my mouth curl like I just realized I gnawed on some mouldy pizza.
So I looked it up in Chinese:
The first two hits in my internet search I thought were really insightful. There was a listing for “possessive” and a listing for “envy”. You can also say that you’re eating vinegar, and it gets the same point across.
Well lets just say woman is stamped all over this one... no seriously... look.
女 is woman and 嫉 , 妒 are the characters in jealousy. if you look to the left of either character, there “she” is, like a wicked little sorority.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a place for hurt, betrayal and to some degree even entitlement, but I think jealousy takes indignation and just turns it into something that is ill-manifested and with a wrecking ball of an end-game plan.
Hope becomes a joke. I think thats what Im trying to get at. There is no up, just down, and I honestly don't think its worth it if there is no more up. Which is why I think I get kind of nasty and defensive within my dark little self when I see jealousy spring up.
Makes me wanna put on my spiderman underpants and go to town on injustice.
(should probably get some spiderman underpants first... to be prepared... taking all votes on the type of superhero underpants Pedro should have.)
Im currently enthralled by the concept of Jealousy. First off its rampant in China. Boy meets girl, other girl meets boy - jealousy. English school hires foreigner, foreigner talks to other chinese people, jealousy. Foreigner trades schools venomous jealousy that evidently washes away with time (my spies tell me that my previous boss would be interested in having me back... hmmm). Foreigner goes on TV for a new experience which is completely unrelated to English... in anyway: Vendetta grade jealousy. Granted, with this certain overgrown and over-permed juvenile ranking in at 40 years old, its also likely to wash away very quickly as long as the issue is addressed.
Im going to record again tomorrow. A key element will be me addressing the need to do some mild advertising for my company so that I can flip this problem on its head and become my boss’s conquering hero... ridiculous.
Anyhow. Aside from business related jealousy, I think there are much more normal and fodder for musical related themes of jealousy. Goodness every time I watch a chinese movie, or absently end up watching Chinese TV - someone is either killing them selves or killing someone else out of impassioned jealousy.
Goodness - people just dont know how to play the game. I think jealousy to me is so interesting and at the same time vexing, because it shows a complete lack of willingness to “let go.” Jealousy is the opposite of growth and creativity. Jealousy is (to me) an attempt to kill snow white so that you can be the fairest one of all. Its not like you really are the fairest, you just rank highest in whats left. Oh look, you’re king or queen of the dung-heap or frankenstein’s (monster’s) bride. (Take that Mr. Cavalli... I DO remember that frankenstein isn’t actually the monster’s name SHAZAM!)
Instead of wanting/being willing to make something better, its a desire to tear down. Its like the rusty blood encrusted barb-wire that tears open a deer on its way to the mountain top.
I hate it. With all the cold and bitter disdain that it deserves. I hardly think about it and the corners of my mouth curl like I just realized I gnawed on some mouldy pizza.
So I looked it up in Chinese:
The first two hits in my internet search I thought were really insightful. There was a listing for “possessive” and a listing for “envy”. You can also say that you’re eating vinegar, and it gets the same point across.
Well lets just say woman is stamped all over this one... no seriously... look.
女 is woman and 嫉 , 妒 are the characters in jealousy. if you look to the left of either character, there “she” is, like a wicked little sorority.
Don’t get me wrong, there is a place for hurt, betrayal and to some degree even entitlement, but I think jealousy takes indignation and just turns it into something that is ill-manifested and with a wrecking ball of an end-game plan.
Hope becomes a joke. I think thats what Im trying to get at. There is no up, just down, and I honestly don't think its worth it if there is no more up. Which is why I think I get kind of nasty and defensive within my dark little self when I see jealousy spring up.
Makes me wanna put on my spiderman underpants and go to town on injustice.
(should probably get some spiderman underpants first... to be prepared...
Post-vision
WHOOOO! I did it. And I didn’t die!
For those of you who are just checking in. My adventure of the past week has been... exhausting for starters. Aside from that - I been preparing for and recently just recorded a segment discussing movies for Henan TV. Evidently, its viewable by roughly half of China.
I am astonished with how fast I spoke... and the fact that I could roll with as much language contact as I did... and on camera for the first time.
Ok ill be honest - I’m not afraid of a camera or people... but it does add a certain kind of crunch factor.
However, the way I see it - I just bought myself braggin’ rights for most ballzy act for a while
If you can cap - “I went on TV and discussed movie content in my second language after a year and a couple months of studying - lemme know.” and don’t give me any of that “I’ve given birth to five children shookum.” The only person who can pull that card is my aunt... and thats cause she got the baker’s dozen of children. Definite win there.
Honestly, I haven’t worked that hard to prepare for anything in about 6-7 months.
I translated documents, I watched the content movies, I met, had coffee and discussed content and I wrote out my general responses to the questions I anticipated, which came out to being 1,417 words long... in Chinese... I didn’t know I could do that... probably because I’d just never done it, but thats aside from the point!
I got up - did some reading, did some considerate studying of the content and compiled my answers.
I ate La Mian (拉面)
I got dressed - in the outfit i’d planned the day before: no blue and limited black.
Instead of riding my bike as tradition dictates, I didn’t want to risk getting hit by a car, and or being late... even though I left like 45 minutes early for something that takes about 10-15 minutes of travel... taxi I found and taxi I rode. My friends were also super 认真 “diligent and attentive to responsibility” and actually beat me there... and we were all like a half hour early.
We waited around for a little bit and admired my shiny boots and delicious tie not that the boots matter when your sitting down... but they did look nice
One of the TV station workers I had dinner with originally came and got us, walked us down the street, and as soon as I was beginning to think that we might be going to “Pirate TV Central” to advertise rocket launchers and other terrorism supplies, I saw a building with the official Henan TV logo and what not and was a bit more at ease.
We went up to their office, I met some folks, got interviewed for the newspaper (turning into a regular old package deal eh?)
I showed my prep materials to the host, and he was jazzed about the content (frankly I was impressed with me for doing it and actually being able to write that much... should have had it peer-edited....ok no peers...Chinese who can communicate with me via various media potentially including flannel graph and or interpretive dance.)
My host friend had his hair done up all Chinesy like and some sort of “foundation” to make him whiter. Evidently they are under the impression that his dark skin next to my white on Camera would be somewhat unsettling. Sure, fine, y’all’s show.
We talked for a while and prepared for the show doing a few run-throughs and I answered some questions from the reporter friend of theirs who came to do a story on me. (WOO! Oriental Daily, page 17 ^_^ )
The time finally came and we headed up to the top floor where the filming set was. It was just like a theater set... dirty everywhere aside from the filming section and “green screen” backdrop (it was blue....)
There were some awkward barstools and a table like something out of a 20’s soda fountain diner.
We ran through several takes, and they gave me pointers here and there. I think the biggest preoccupation was... what do I do with my hands when I’m sitting down... and where the bump do I look? There were two cameras, but I didn’t want to give them the death-stare or anything along those lines.
Eventually it came to an end with survivable levels of embarassment and irrevocable actions that may or may not give me a heart attack someday. (do I have a nervous twitch?)
We got back to the office, I got my lovely vase. Its a Henan specialty (glaze technique...) that dates back a LONG time. Much longer than that crazy white and blue stuff that everyone is obsessed with/ Daryn hates.
The boss extended his appreciation for my work and expressed his desire that I come back to do the show on a regular basis. I also got a sheet of prepaid movie tickets. Pretty jazzy i’d say. Aside from one thing.
Evidently it was the plan all along that it be a regular thing, and my host/filming friends hadn’t really gotten a chance to breach the subject quite yet. Needless to say, this yielded a fairly awkward situation. I bought some time with vague answers etc, and my host friend and I discussed it over dinner.
It was a wholesome heart to heart... I got to describe what “the white monkey dance” is, and how I had no interest in being a part of one, particularly on film, unless it was mutually beneficial.
For example, I don’t want a room full of vases by the end of this little adventure... Money isn’t so much a huge need as it is a symbol... that im not just a pet, but a valued member of the broadcast in more ways than just, “Dance Whitey! Yah... nice... look at how fluently flawed he speaks our language.. hehehe”
That was good enough, and I really do like the growth potential of the experience. Its another insert into Chinese culture that I wouldn’t get to experience otherwise. Its a great way to learn more about Chinese movies, and I cannot express just how much Chinese in the process of preparing: Oodles. Oh look, I expressed it.
I sent little thank you texts to my friends for coming, and asked what I could do better. How do you really answer that question though? I’m interested to see the edited version to decide what I can do better.
Anyhow - one of my friends was super jazzed about watching some of the movies we discussed, so I took my copies of them down to her and we talked for a while. I was asked if I wanted to be a teacher for a long time... and I think we all know the answer to that. She said that I had “heaven piece” (my Chinglish for natural talent) for that kind of position and that she thought.
I’ve been told I have an awesome phone voice before. Thats a pretty bangin’ compliment i’d say.
We’ll see.
--
Aftermath
Saw myself on TV yesterday, and bought two copies of the newspaper with my article in it. HAH!
It was interesting to me because the whole experience kinda threw me into a sour spree where I was in an increasingly foul mood over about a 3 day period. I went to sleep one night and woke up the next day with my foul mood remaining... not a good sign. I was worried I was gonna murder some of my super negligent and retarded students.
And I had the dilemma, do I tell my boss?
First class was fairly good - glad I like them, no teeth related beheadings. I actually liked them enough... and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, so I told them that I made it onto TV as (inspiration) to speak english as much as possible so that they too can improve at ridiculous speeds hahaha. Yes... I do know the word for narcissistic in Chinese... its been used on me on a few occasions. 自恋 (zi4lian4)
Lunch came and I found my article.
WOw did I brighten right up. My whole school was alight with my new-found fame. Its lovely to bask in that kinda glory I must say. It made surviving the afternoon class of cosmic retards possible.
Instead of being TOOO transparent, I decided to send my boss the following text: (translated from Chinese for your convenience)
“Your marketing department should be very happy. Please buy today’s “Oriental Daily” and look at page A17.”
She called me. Asked me what it meant.... and I told her that she should buy the paper and find out. BLah blah blah - flapping lips, and click.
I don’t think she bought it, because I got no feedback until the next day (today).
She didnt call me... she called the Chinese manager of the school branch I was working at... good thing we’re friends or i’d probably have had to listen to boring and terribly unimpressive speech.
What I know from the conversation is - she’s not happy I went on TV. She’s under the impression that I’m not supposed to do any other form of work while I am a full-time teacher at her school. She wants to know if I got paid for doing it. etc.
The manager she talked to told me that she thought it was a great marketing opportunity for the school.
Regardless... She’s irritated... and if she calls me to do dinner this evening, I shan’t be going because she’s irritated me with her tomfoolery.
I think its funny that I end up coming to blows with the top level of management at each of the schools I work at. I should never have learned how to haggle the Chinese way, because thats really all I’m doing.
This could go a number of directions:
She sees reason and gets over her oppressive jealousy and uses the opportunity as the marketing miracle that it is...
She tries to impress some sort of punishment on me for disloyalty. Any sass of this sort would not be tolerated by yours truly...
She forgets all about it in the next 24-48 hours because she is capricious as all get out.
She tries to get rid of me... which is logistically a joke as far as her company is concerned. She would lose massive amounts of money from irritated students who would no longer be getting a foreign teacher’s instruction at the intervals they paid for.
---
I’ve got my contingency plans. And i’d be more than willing to go to Taiwan...
I have no intention of being a caged white monkey.
For those of you who are just checking in. My adventure of the past week has been... exhausting for starters. Aside from that - I been preparing for and recently just recorded a segment discussing movies for Henan TV. Evidently, its viewable by roughly half of China.
I am astonished with how fast I spoke... and the fact that I could roll with as much language contact as I did... and on camera for the first time.
Ok ill be honest - I’m not afraid of a camera or people... but it does add a certain kind of crunch factor.
However, the way I see it - I just bought myself braggin’ rights for most ballzy act for a while
If you can cap - “I went on TV and discussed movie content in my second language after a year and a couple months of studying - lemme know.” and don’t give me any of that “I’ve given birth to five children shookum.” The only person who can pull that card is my aunt... and thats cause she got the baker’s dozen of children. Definite win there.
Honestly, I haven’t worked that hard to prepare for anything in about 6-7 months.
I translated documents, I watched the content movies, I met, had coffee and discussed content and I wrote out my general responses to the questions I anticipated, which came out to being 1,417 words long... in Chinese... I didn’t know I could do that... probably because I’d just never done it, but thats aside from the point!
I got up - did some reading, did some considerate studying of the content and compiled my answers.
I ate La Mian (拉面)
I got dressed - in the outfit i’d planned the day before: no blue and limited black.
Instead of riding my bike as tradition dictates, I didn’t want to risk getting hit by a car, and or being late... even though I left like 45 minutes early for something that takes about 10-15 minutes of travel... taxi I found and taxi I rode. My friends were also super 认真 “diligent and attentive to responsibility” and actually beat me there... and we were all like a half hour early.
We waited around for a little bit and admired my shiny boots and delicious tie
One of the TV station workers I had dinner with originally came and got us, walked us down the street, and as soon as I was beginning to think that we might be going to “Pirate TV Central” to advertise rocket launchers and other terrorism supplies, I saw a building with the official Henan TV logo and what not and was a bit more at ease.
We went up to their office, I met some folks, got interviewed for the newspaper (turning into a regular old package deal eh?)
I showed my prep materials to the host, and he was jazzed about the content (frankly I was impressed with me for doing it and actually being able to write that much... should have had it peer-edited....ok no peers...Chinese who can communicate with me via various media potentially including flannel graph and or interpretive dance.)
My host friend had his hair done up all Chinesy like and some sort of “foundation” to make him whiter. Evidently they are under the impression that his dark skin next to my white on Camera would be somewhat unsettling. Sure, fine, y’all’s show.
We talked for a while and prepared for the show doing a few run-throughs and I answered some questions from the reporter friend of theirs who came to do a story on me. (WOO! Oriental Daily, page 17 ^_^ )
The time finally came and we headed up to the top floor where the filming set was. It was just like a theater set... dirty everywhere aside from the filming section and “green screen” backdrop (it was blue....)
There were some awkward barstools and a table like something out of a 20’s soda fountain diner.
We ran through several takes, and they gave me pointers here and there. I think the biggest preoccupation was... what do I do with my hands when I’m sitting down... and where the bump do I look? There were two cameras, but I didn’t want to give them the death-stare or anything along those lines.
Eventually it came to an end with survivable levels of embarassment and irrevocable actions that may or may not give me a heart attack someday. (do I have a nervous twitch?)
We got back to the office, I got my lovely vase. Its a Henan specialty (glaze technique...) that dates back a LONG time. Much longer than that crazy white and blue stuff that everyone is obsessed with/ Daryn hates.
The boss extended his appreciation for my work and expressed his desire that I come back to do the show on a regular basis. I also got a sheet of prepaid movie tickets. Pretty jazzy i’d say. Aside from one thing.
Evidently it was the plan all along that it be a regular thing, and my host/filming friends hadn’t really gotten a chance to breach the subject quite yet. Needless to say, this yielded a fairly awkward situation. I bought some time with vague answers etc, and my host friend and I discussed it over dinner.
It was a wholesome heart to heart... I got to describe what “the white monkey dance” is, and how I had no interest in being a part of one, particularly on film, unless it was mutually beneficial.
For example, I don’t want a room full of vases by the end of this little adventure... Money isn’t so much a huge need as it is a symbol... that im not just a pet, but a valued member of the broadcast in more ways than just, “Dance Whitey! Yah... nice... look at how fluently flawed he speaks our language.. hehehe”
That was good enough, and I really do like the growth potential of the experience. Its another insert into Chinese culture that I wouldn’t get to experience otherwise. Its a great way to learn more about Chinese movies, and I cannot express just how much Chinese in the process of preparing: Oodles. Oh look, I expressed it.
I sent little thank you texts to my friends for coming, and asked what I could do better. How do you really answer that question though? I’m interested to see the edited version to decide what I can do better.
Anyhow - one of my friends was super jazzed about watching some of the movies we discussed, so I took my copies of them down to her and we talked for a while. I was asked if I wanted to be a teacher for a long time... and I think we all know the answer to that. She said that I had “heaven piece” (my Chinglish for natural talent) for that kind of position and that she thought.
I’ve been told I have an awesome phone voice before. Thats a pretty bangin’ compliment i’d say.
We’ll see.
--
Aftermath
Saw myself on TV yesterday, and bought two copies of the newspaper with my article in it. HAH!
It was interesting to me because the whole experience kinda threw me into a sour spree where I was in an increasingly foul mood over about a 3 day period. I went to sleep one night and woke up the next day with my foul mood remaining... not a good sign. I was worried I was gonna murder some of my super negligent and retarded students.
And I had the dilemma, do I tell my boss?
First class was fairly good - glad I like them, no teeth related beheadings. I actually liked them enough... and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut, so I told them that I made it onto TV as (inspiration) to speak english as much as possible so that they too can improve at ridiculous speeds hahaha. Yes... I do know the word for narcissistic in Chinese... its been used on me on a few occasions. 自恋 (zi4lian4)
Lunch came and I found my article.
WOw did I brighten right up. My whole school was alight with my new-found fame. Its lovely to bask in that kinda glory I must say. It made surviving the afternoon class of cosmic retards possible.
Instead of being TOOO transparent, I decided to send my boss the following text: (translated from Chinese for your convenience)
“Your marketing department should be very happy. Please buy today’s “Oriental Daily” and look at page A17.”
She called me. Asked me what it meant.... and I told her that she should buy the paper and find out. BLah blah blah - flapping lips, and click.
I don’t think she bought it, because I got no feedback until the next day (today).
She didnt call me... she called the Chinese manager of the school branch I was working at... good thing we’re friends or i’d probably have had to listen to boring and terribly unimpressive speech.
What I know from the conversation is - she’s not happy I went on TV. She’s under the impression that I’m not supposed to do any other form of work while I am a full-time teacher at her school. She wants to know if I got paid for doing it. etc.
The manager she talked to told me that she thought it was a great marketing opportunity for the school.
Regardless... She’s irritated... and if she calls me to do dinner this evening, I shan’t be going because she’s irritated me with her tomfoolery.
I think its funny that I end up coming to blows with the top level of management at each of the schools I work at. I should never have learned how to haggle the Chinese way, because thats really all I’m doing.
This could go a number of directions:
She sees reason and gets over her oppressive jealousy and uses the opportunity as the marketing miracle that it is...
She tries to impress some sort of punishment on me for disloyalty. Any sass of this sort would not be tolerated by yours truly...
She forgets all about it in the next 24-48 hours because she is capricious as all get out.
She tries to get rid of me... which is logistically a joke as far as her company is concerned. She would lose massive amounts of money from irritated students who would no longer be getting a foreign teacher’s instruction at the intervals they paid for.
---
I’ve got my contingency plans. And i’d be more than willing to go to Taiwan...
I have no intention of being a caged white monkey.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Subconscious
Subconscious Half-decisions
Do you ever have moments where you have been thinking about something that is going on in your life, and you realize that on a certain level you have already made a decision?
Well, I definitely do. Its actually a fairly common thing for me. I’ll subconsciously make decisions and then that decision will begin to manifest itself in some way.
So recently i’ve put out two blogs on the topic of dating ~ and as I was contemplating them (when I was writing them aswell...) I realized that the only person I would want to date so far was already my platonic friend. It struck me that more and more frequently I was beginning to invite this person to random get togethers...
And then I said to myself HOOOLD UP! WAIT A MINUTE! - “The only reason im magically more interested in this person is because of a train of thought i’ve been having.”
It just started to scream cliché to me.
Then.
Next step of the process.
I figured out that not only had I subconsciously made a decision that started leaning in one direction, but I had also just made another (slightly more conscious) decision that completely flies in the face of the previous one. Gosh I should be a shrink.
So for me, the “place” i’ve come to is that I don’t want to absently hunt people I already know i’m not interested in.
But there aren’t a lot of people that I AM interested in... I’m ok with that I guess.
I was talking to my sister probably... wow... three or four years ago.... when she was trying to find a discussion group that would work for her, and she made a comment that at the time I wasn’t sure I agreed with. She said something along the lines of - we are not normal people and sometimes its hard to find the right pack of wolves to run with, cause we just don’t fit.
As I’ve grown and developed from my younger years of SEVERE independence and come to realize just how social i am, I’ve tried to tried to define myself not by what I can’t do or won’t be a part of, but instead by my ability to flex and and “meet people on their level.” No its not as arrogant as it sounds. I’m not saying i’m better (though sometimes I am ^_^), I’m just saying that everyone is different, and some people are less willing to leave their own area of comfort and control.
This does have its limitations though. I’m willing to meet people on different levels for a number of things, which is actually kind of convenient for me, because I have a LOT of interests.... but there are still things that I just find no interest in, and find it very difficult to connect with people on. Sports being one of those things. Naturally... I dont like boys most of the time....
Anyhow - back to my point.
As much as I like to be the go-between who can see a problem from many different angles and perspectives, there comes a time when you have to be true to yourself and your own preferences. I have no desire to be a martyr for a worthless or anything other than cosmo-shaking cause. And then it’d make one heck of a movie.
I have found that in my work life alone, I can’t sacrifice my dreams for ambition or my subconscious will rebel.
And I think it would be the same thing if I just casually dated. If I just dated for the fun of it, I think I would get very bored with the person very quickly. Im a moody kind of person, and I can change very quickly... and not everyone can handle that.
And I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want to grow quickly, or i’d be far too tempted to throw them by the wayside. Yes... I am that cold.
So in conclusion - I don’t intend to casually date because I am a heartless savage
^_^
Do you ever have moments where you have been thinking about something that is going on in your life, and you realize that on a certain level you have already made a decision?
Well, I definitely do. Its actually a fairly common thing for me. I’ll subconsciously make decisions and then that decision will begin to manifest itself in some way.
So recently i’ve put out two blogs on the topic of dating ~ and as I was contemplating them (when I was writing them aswell...) I realized that the only person I would want to date so far was already my platonic friend. It struck me that more and more frequently I was beginning to invite this person to random get togethers...
And then I said to myself HOOOLD UP! WAIT A MINUTE! - “The only reason im magically more interested in this person is because of a train of thought i’ve been having.”
It just started to scream cliché to me.
Then.
Next step of the process.
I figured out that not only had I subconsciously made a decision that started leaning in one direction, but I had also just made another (slightly more conscious) decision that completely flies in the face of the previous one. Gosh I should be a shrink.
So for me, the “place” i’ve come to is that I don’t want to absently hunt people I already know i’m not interested in.
But there aren’t a lot of people that I AM interested in... I’m ok with that I guess.
I was talking to my sister probably... wow... three or four years ago.... when she was trying to find a discussion group that would work for her, and she made a comment that at the time I wasn’t sure I agreed with. She said something along the lines of - we are not normal people and sometimes its hard to find the right pack of wolves to run with, cause we just don’t fit.
As I’ve grown and developed from my younger years of SEVERE independence and come to realize just how social i am, I’ve tried to tried to define myself not by what I can’t do or won’t be a part of, but instead by my ability to flex and and “meet people on their level.” No its not as arrogant as it sounds. I’m not saying i’m better (though sometimes I am ^_^), I’m just saying that everyone is different, and some people are less willing to leave their own area of comfort and control.
This does have its limitations though. I’m willing to meet people on different levels for a number of things, which is actually kind of convenient for me, because I have a LOT of interests.... but there are still things that I just find no interest in, and find it very difficult to connect with people on. Sports being one of those things. Naturally... I dont like boys most of the time....
Anyhow - back to my point.
As much as I like to be the go-between who can see a problem from many different angles and perspectives, there comes a time when you have to be true to yourself and your own preferences. I have no desire to be a martyr for a worthless or anything other than cosmo-shaking cause. And then it’d make one heck of a movie.
I have found that in my work life alone, I can’t sacrifice my dreams for ambition or my subconscious will rebel.
And I think it would be the same thing if I just casually dated. If I just dated for the fun of it, I think I would get very bored with the person very quickly. Im a moody kind of person, and I can change very quickly... and not everyone can handle that.
And I don’t want anyone who doesn’t want to grow quickly, or i’d be far too tempted to throw them by the wayside. Yes... I am that cold.
So in conclusion - I don’t intend to casually date because I am a heartless savage
^_^
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Flirted-negative recipient
Negative Recipient (被) - Flirted
Bit of linguistics for you. Theres a grammatical concept called the “passive voice” by most, and this is the idea where the actor in this semantic relationship is removed (or at least stuffed a closet until later on), and the patient is highlighted. Something like - “The glass was broken” for example. We don’t know who broke the glass... it certainly probably wasn’t me... but we know that it was in fact broken. Well - Mandarin Chinese is fun and has this “disastrous passive” word it helps make the meaning passive, but its never a “nice passive” like - “the little boy was given a piece of candy.” You CAN say who or what causes the situation, but the structure highlights who or what it happens TO. More like, “the old lady was hit by a car.”
阿姨被车撞了 ... as an aside, I think the word for “bump into /collide” is funny because it has the character for childhood in it. Moving on.
Well to fill you in and give you another installment of what helped bring me to the point where I was willing to send out my preceding blog are some interesting events. I feel like on a number of occasions I have been “ disastrous passive” flirted by a few folks. Most definitely two different wenches in two different situations - no one tell my boss!
So the first one was/is at a coffee shop I frequent. I go, I study (or try, if people aren’t all up in my biddness). I get along splendidly with all the staff/owners at the place, and its fun to chat it up in Chinese and have friends that my non-Chinese speaking friends cant really get to know. muahahah. Yes i’ll secretly lord it over them. SOO we talk, I drink coffee, they mill around and clean things/ make coffee and life goes on. Well one day, im sitting at these “two person tables” that have a chair on either side. I have my coffee, and I was doing something on my computer, and this particular “waitress” is asking me all sorts of questions. “what do you like to do during your free time? Do you like to go to KTV and sing songs? (not really) Do you like to play basketball? (no) Do you like to play videogames (yea sure) What about hiking?!? (sure) And Restaurants? (course)” So I ask, whats with the sudden interest in how I occupy my free time?
Oh I was just thinking of what we could do if we hang out.
(bing) lightbulb...
Her shift ends, and like all the other staff, she changed out of her uniform in like 5 seconds flat into her “civilian clothes” and then sat down directly adjacent to me and just started playing on her phone. Not doing anything in particular, just... being...near me...
I don’t want to be all eschewing of other people who want to have conversation, let me move my stuff (computer) out of the way so you can talk like a non-savage. “oh don’t worry about it, Im just gonna sit here - you keep doing what your doing.” Regardless, I moved my computer to the side so it was a little less “brick wall-ish.”
I thought to myself - Im a huge fan of proximity. When I enjoy someone’s company, I often times don’t even need to say anything, just being near them is nice. Great for studying in University - what can I say.
Anyhow - I though, this is a bit odd... I never notice when someone is hitting on me, huh, I must be learning ^_^. Granted if I look back to my TESL (teaching English) training, any sort of growth must be measurable and observable. This is definitely observable, but good lord - its nothing more than subjective hokum, and I don’t really want to “ask her,” thats a can of worm that I’d rather leave vacuum sealed.
Leave that on the back burner.
Time goes by.
I’m hanging out with my older friend who is dating around here and there, and now has more of a steady “lady friend” who he hasn’t quite come out of the closet on calling it a “dating” relationship. Whatever, terminology is his affair. So we’re playing pool after dinner one night and the only non-boy waiter is the one that happens to be paying rather close attention to our table. So were chatting it up with her, and playing pool.
Were going back and forth making ridiculous pool shots and pretending to show off. Neither of us really showing off, but tipsily enjoying the act of “showing off” even though neither of us are that good at pool, and not narcissistic enough to actually show off. ANYhow we thought it was funny, and she was captivated enough. (clearly a new hire and knows nothing about pool and more than willing to buy into the antics of two foreigners.) Day over, we go home.
I come back some other night because I have no evening plans and I figure I might as well do a little bit of practicing because I don’t want to suck at pool forever. Well she’s there again - and she haunted my table again. I later found out that she gets two days off a month - which made me sick to the stomach - but thats not really to the point here, point being that she’d be there pretty much any time I show up.
So here I am planning on listening to my music and just playing a bit of pool since everyone was otherwise engaged or had ditched me (sniff). I was content to do it. ANNNNd there we go again - she haunts my table. She starts talking and asking questions. Sure fine no problem, lemme put my tunes away.
And BOOM - brick to the face
Waitress: So what did you do on Valentines day, do you have a girlfriend? (this is the
day after V-day).
Peter: Uhh - I didn’t really do much, I just (wrote a blog, drank and danced with my
own reflection) ... nothing much.... - and no I don’t. - What did you do?
Waitress: Oh I was here - I thought about calling you two, but I didn’t know if you
were in class or not.
Peter: Naaah I dont have evening classes.
...
Waitress/Harpy: So why dont you have a girlfriend?
Peter: (cornered...) uhh... cause I dont really want one right now.
Harpy: Why not?
Peter: Cause (my Chinese isnt good enough to explain this! most people dont even really get it in English!) I dont want to have a girlfriend for a few months and then move to a different country.
Harpy: oh. But I think you need a girlfriend in China.
Peter: is that so - why is that?
Harpy: You need someone to help you.
Peter: Like friends?
Harpy: Yea, but a girlfriend can help wash your clothes and do things you need.
Peter: (stunned - she’d be killed on sight if my sisters had heard those words come out of her mouth.) uhhh - we dont really think that way in America. We like equality. (honest to Toast - I said it, and backed it up with examples). I don’t want a girlfriend to do things like that for me.
Harpy: ohh, ok I can see that... Well what do you want in a girlfriend?
Peter: (once again... my chinese isn’t good enough for this!) Umm... nega nega nega (Chinese word for “umm”) I dont like to have girlfriend after girlfriend. I dont want to be that kind of guy. There are a lot of them in America, and I dont want to be that kind of guy.
Harpy: ohh I get it, you want to date someone that could be your wife.
Peter: ahhh.... kinda (I have no idea how else to explain this so imma just let the dead horse die). (after a while) Well... I think imma head home.
Harpy: So soon?!
Peter: Yea I want to study.
Harpy: Oh you have class?
Peter: No, I just want to study, so my chinese gets better.
Harpy: oh... well ok - see you next time.
(YEESH!)
--
Maybe its like grey hair syndrome once you find one, you find a hundred! or maybe its fictitious and its all in my head. Who knows.
--
My friend and I go back to play pool a week or so later and lo and behold, though this time she’s equally distributing her Chinese cute pouting skills. Every so often she’d “demand” to take a shot, which we gladly humoured her with. She’d miss even worse than we (I) do and then would get “pouty” which we obligatorily chuckle at and then we move on with life.
I bet you do that to ALL the foreigners HMPF! There’s gotta be a term for that kind of racial attention whoring.
(ok - i dont mean it THAT maliciously ^_^)
--
Back to my coffee shop after spring festival - first time in like a month. Girl isn’t there. No worries. Her friend/ coworker is. Im waiting around for a half hour or so while I wait for my friend to arrive and we can go to dinner. Waitress comes around - gotta date tonight? --> No - just dinner with a friend. ---> a GIRL friend? ---> no, a friend who’s a girl.
Dinner comes and goes, and my platonic friend and I end up back at the coffee time according to ritual to do some studying.
Even though this friend has been coming to the coffee shop longer than I have, they still pretend like I am more of a regular... whatever. So they ask me if “im paying” well the Chinese literally translates as “inviting guest” which means what you think it means. The perennially boyish barista that talks to me non-stop when I’m there making it a difficult study situation at times, gave me the most ridiculous eye-brow waggle and smile as he said it too. I sufficiently told him off and then offered to pay (an empty gesture to people who are used to AA制 {splitting the tab}). She then chuckled and paid for her drink. We sat down and started studying/ chatting in between. After I went back up to get our drinks once they were ready, the waitress(friend of the proximity harpy) told me that Proximity Harpy wasn’t around and that her heart was broken. She then made cute faux-pouty face and then went on with her business.
Her heart was broken? WTF!? is this tag team disastrous passive flirting? It is isn’t it??!
Gosh I just don’t get you people. Not women - I get along with women. Men.... well ok I dont understand men (j/k). Its those “interested” people that don’t make no sense.
So people help me out here - I dont know how it works in N.A. b/c it was never apparent if it did happen to me. And I dont know how it works HERE, I just know that somethings happening.
All im left with is the knowledge that theres a VERB and its happening to ME, and I’m not sure that I like it!
no....thanks
Bit of linguistics for you. Theres a grammatical concept called the “passive voice” by most, and this is the idea where the actor in this semantic relationship is removed (or at least stuffed a closet until later on), and the patient is highlighted. Something like - “The glass was broken” for example. We don’t know who broke the glass... it certainly probably wasn’t me... but we know that it was in fact broken. Well - Mandarin Chinese is fun and has this “disastrous passive” word it helps make the meaning passive, but its never a “nice passive” like - “the little boy was given a piece of candy.” You CAN say who or what causes the situation, but the structure highlights who or what it happens TO. More like, “the old lady was hit by a car.”
阿姨被车撞了 ... as an aside, I think the word for “bump into /collide” is funny because it has the character for childhood in it. Moving on.
Well to fill you in and give you another installment of what helped bring me to the point where I was willing to send out my preceding blog are some interesting events. I feel like on a number of occasions I have been “ disastrous passive” flirted by a few folks. Most definitely two different wenches in two different situations - no one tell my boss!
So the first one was/is at a coffee shop I frequent. I go, I study (or try, if people aren’t all up in my biddness). I get along splendidly with all the staff/owners at the place, and its fun to chat it up in Chinese and have friends that my non-Chinese speaking friends cant really get to know. muahahah. Yes i’ll secretly lord it over them. SOO we talk, I drink coffee, they mill around and clean things/ make coffee and life goes on. Well one day, im sitting at these “two person tables” that have a chair on either side. I have my coffee, and I was doing something on my computer, and this particular “waitress” is asking me all sorts of questions. “what do you like to do during your free time? Do you like to go to KTV and sing songs? (not really) Do you like to play basketball? (no) Do you like to play videogames (yea sure) What about hiking?!? (sure) And Restaurants? (course)” So I ask, whats with the sudden interest in how I occupy my free time?
Oh I was just thinking of what we could do if we hang out.
(bing) lightbulb...
Her shift ends, and like all the other staff, she changed out of her uniform in like 5 seconds flat into her “civilian clothes” and then sat down directly adjacent to me and just started playing on her phone. Not doing anything in particular, just... being...near me...
I don’t want to be all eschewing of other people who want to have conversation, let me move my stuff (computer) out of the way so you can talk like a non-savage. “oh don’t worry about it, Im just gonna sit here - you keep doing what your doing.” Regardless, I moved my computer to the side so it was a little less “brick wall-ish.”
I thought to myself - Im a huge fan of proximity. When I enjoy someone’s company, I often times don’t even need to say anything, just being near them is nice. Great for studying in University - what can I say.
Anyhow - I though, this is a bit odd... I never notice when someone is hitting on me, huh, I must be learning ^_^. Granted if I look back to my TESL (teaching English) training, any sort of growth must be measurable and observable. This is definitely observable, but good lord - its nothing more than subjective hokum, and I don’t really want to “ask her,” thats a can of worm that I’d rather leave vacuum sealed.
Leave that on the back burner.
Time goes by.
I’m hanging out with my older friend who is dating around here and there, and now has more of a steady “lady friend” who he hasn’t quite come out of the closet on calling it a “dating” relationship. Whatever, terminology is his affair. So we’re playing pool after dinner one night and the only non-boy waiter is the one that happens to be paying rather close attention to our table. So were chatting it up with her, and playing pool.
Were going back and forth making ridiculous pool shots and pretending to show off. Neither of us really showing off, but tipsily enjoying the act of “showing off” even though neither of us are that good at pool, and not narcissistic enough to actually show off. ANYhow we thought it was funny, and she was captivated enough. (clearly a new hire and knows nothing about pool and more than willing to buy into the antics of two foreigners.) Day over, we go home.
I come back some other night because I have no evening plans and I figure I might as well do a little bit of practicing because I don’t want to suck at pool forever. Well she’s there again - and she haunted my table again. I later found out that she gets two days off a month - which made me sick to the stomach - but thats not really to the point here, point being that she’d be there pretty much any time I show up.
So here I am planning on listening to my music and just playing a bit of pool since everyone was otherwise engaged or had ditched me (sniff). I was content to do it. ANNNNd there we go again - she haunts my table. She starts talking and asking questions. Sure fine no problem, lemme put my tunes away.
And BOOM - brick to the face
Waitress: So what did you do on Valentines day, do you have a girlfriend? (this is the
day after V-day).
Peter: Uhh - I didn’t really do much, I just (wrote a blog, drank and danced with my
own reflection) ... nothing much.... - and no I don’t. - What did you do?
Waitress: Oh I was here - I thought about calling you two, but I didn’t know if you
were in class or not.
Peter: Naaah I dont have evening classes.
...
Waitress/Harpy: So why dont you have a girlfriend?
Peter: (cornered...) uhh... cause I dont really want one right now.
Harpy: Why not?
Peter: Cause (my Chinese isnt good enough to explain this! most people dont even really get it in English!) I dont want to have a girlfriend for a few months and then move to a different country.
Harpy: oh. But I think you need a girlfriend in China.
Peter: is that so - why is that?
Harpy: You need someone to help you.
Peter: Like friends?
Harpy: Yea, but a girlfriend can help wash your clothes and do things you need.
Peter: (stunned - she’d be killed on sight if my sisters had heard those words come out of her mouth.) uhhh - we dont really think that way in America. We like equality. (honest to Toast - I said it, and backed it up with examples). I don’t want a girlfriend to do things like that for me.
Harpy: ohh, ok I can see that... Well what do you want in a girlfriend?
Peter: (once again... my chinese isn’t good enough for this!) Umm... nega nega nega (Chinese word for “umm”) I dont like to have girlfriend after girlfriend. I dont want to be that kind of guy. There are a lot of them in America, and I dont want to be that kind of guy.
Harpy: ohh I get it, you want to date someone that could be your wife.
Peter: ahhh.... kinda (I have no idea how else to explain this so imma just let the dead horse die). (after a while) Well... I think imma head home.
Harpy: So soon?!
Peter: Yea I want to study.
Harpy: Oh you have class?
Peter: No, I just want to study, so my chinese gets better.
Harpy: oh... well ok - see you next time.
(YEESH!)
--
Maybe its like grey hair syndrome once you find one, you find a hundred! or maybe its fictitious and its all in my head. Who knows.
--
My friend and I go back to play pool a week or so later and lo and behold, though this time she’s equally distributing her Chinese cute pouting skills. Every so often she’d “demand” to take a shot, which we gladly humoured her with. She’d miss even worse than we (I) do and then would get “pouty” which we obligatorily chuckle at and then we move on with life.
I bet you do that to ALL the foreigners HMPF! There’s gotta be a term for that kind of racial attention whoring.
(ok - i dont mean it THAT maliciously ^_^)
--
Back to my coffee shop after spring festival - first time in like a month. Girl isn’t there. No worries. Her friend/ coworker is. Im waiting around for a half hour or so while I wait for my friend to arrive and we can go to dinner. Waitress comes around - gotta date tonight? --> No - just dinner with a friend. ---> a GIRL friend? ---> no, a friend who’s a girl.
Dinner comes and goes, and my platonic friend and I end up back at the coffee time according to ritual to do some studying.
Even though this friend has been coming to the coffee shop longer than I have, they still pretend like I am more of a regular... whatever. So they ask me if “im paying” well the Chinese literally translates as “inviting guest” which means what you think it means. The perennially boyish barista that talks to me non-stop when I’m there making it a difficult study situation at times, gave me the most ridiculous eye-brow waggle and smile as he said it too. I sufficiently told him off and then offered to pay (an empty gesture to people who are used to AA制 {splitting the tab}). She then chuckled and paid for her drink. We sat down and started studying/ chatting in between. After I went back up to get our drinks once they were ready, the waitress(friend of the proximity harpy) told me that Proximity Harpy wasn’t around and that her heart was broken. She then made cute faux-pouty face and then went on with her business.
Her heart was broken? WTF!? is this tag team disastrous passive flirting? It is isn’t it??!
Gosh I just don’t get you people. Not women - I get along with women. Men.... well ok I dont understand men (j/k). Its those “interested” people that don’t make no sense.
So people help me out here - I dont know how it works in N.A. b/c it was never apparent if it did happen to me. And I dont know how it works HERE, I just know that somethings happening.
All im left with is the knowledge that theres a VERB and its happening to ME, and I’m not sure that I like it!
no....thanks
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
"SAD" Singles AWARENESS DAY
Singles Awareness Day
Id like to take this moment to acknowledge one of the most ridiculously satisfying glasses of wine I’ve had in a long time. A friend just got back from visiting family in the US and brought me back a 2008 Black Label Claret from the Francis Ford Coppola winery. For those of you who dont know, this is the winery run by the Uncle of Nicolas Cage, and the director of Dracula. Frankly you had me at Nicolas Cage. ^_^ I’ve actually been there, but my memory of wine from the place was screamingly unimpressive. Granted, I don’t think I even liked alcohol at that point... let alone have any appreciation for wine.
Oh what the years of done.
Anyhow. Today is February 14th which evidently is but isn’t a big deal here. Moral of the story, my boss told me I need to find a girlfriend. Go figure.
To be fair... she IS just trying to find a network of lifestyle connections that would help compel me to stay in China for a longer period of time. I think it would put her capricious (not to be confused with malicious necessarily) little heart to rest if she knew I was enslaved by my own hand.
Back to the Booze though. This is a seductive dark hued wine with the depth and warmth of fresh Oregon raspberries but the soul and body of an R&B singer that weighs 250 pounds. I may never marry as long as I get to have a “weekend fling” with this bottle every couple of months.
Ok i’ll admit. Im not really bummed about being single today (hah - you thought I was going somewhere else with that). Dating has however been on my mind for the past probably two weeks. That and I’ve been watching The Big Bang Theory a lot lately and I have this secret hope in my heart that im not as inept as the particle physicist characters who can’t get women who aren’t otherwise making poor life choices...
Back to the point though. I cant decide if I think casual dating would be good for me or not. I don’t casually date. Ever.
I’ve only ever dated one person, and I didn’t even know it at the time. Im the best kind of weird (yes... I am that arrogant. {pompous font, in addition to sarcasm font are also necessary improvements to literate society})
Probably the biggest key issue for me at this point is I dont know “how” i’d do it. Most of my friends are and always have been girls since my earliest memories - aside from a few essential guy friends. The larger demographic however is most definitely female and so help me, i’d rather go to the grave than make them feel like im picking up a spear to hunt them like some douche bag wearing too much Axe spray-on “deodorant” (total misnomer...).
ok - dont have tons of battery so lets get back to this.
I’m the kind of person who has a very blurred sense of gender identity, I can go to dinner one on one with a girl without it even crossing my mind that that might in any sense be considered a date, because to me it isn’t. I can get “kicked out of the roman-catholic church drunk” and still not do anything “over-the-line” to a girl because I have boundaries that I value more than my own safety...
So that leaves me with the essential question, how would anything change in a casual dating setting.
I dont know.
I don’t know that I particularly want to compromise any of the boundaries I’ve had.
Then pragmatics kick in and say... 10 months left in this country, then on to the next. Then on to the next... and so on. I am not the kind of person who lives their life around someone else. And honestly if it came down to me getting involved with someone and changing to the point where I would WANT to stay where they are... i’d rather nip that problem in the butt now and just D.A.R.E to say now.
Still - I adore little couples when im walking around in the mall/ the rest of ... everywhere. I think its restricted to not-white couples though... white couples aren’t anywhere near as cute I think...
There are two sides at work in my mind here, and don’t go compartmentalizing me along with all the other men of the world, because I’m not them, and I am American and will get upset at being compartmentalized...
Part of me thinks it would be a genuinely healthy new experience.
The other side tells me to keep true to my original plan of waiting till I find someone that I really groove with. -- to which im sure there is a resounding chorus of “well how will you know unless you try” to which I respond... “I’ll just know” So there.
PS - what a stupid holiday ~ and it makes restaurant arrangements ridiculous, even though picnics are a MUCH better idea than a restaurant with various types of melted cheese on little pieces of bread which you have skewered with your own personal elongated two-tined fork. Unless of course that whole thing is a part of the afore mentioned picnic.
The End.
Id like to take this moment to acknowledge one of the most ridiculously satisfying glasses of wine I’ve had in a long time. A friend just got back from visiting family in the US and brought me back a 2008 Black Label Claret from the Francis Ford Coppola winery. For those of you who dont know, this is the winery run by the Uncle of Nicolas Cage, and the director of Dracula. Frankly you had me at Nicolas Cage. ^_^ I’ve actually been there, but my memory of wine from the place was screamingly unimpressive. Granted, I don’t think I even liked alcohol at that point... let alone have any appreciation for wine.
Oh what the years of done.
Anyhow. Today is February 14th which evidently is but isn’t a big deal here. Moral of the story, my boss told me I need to find a girlfriend. Go figure.
To be fair... she IS just trying to find a network of lifestyle connections that would help compel me to stay in China for a longer period of time. I think it would put her capricious (not to be confused with malicious necessarily) little heart to rest if she knew I was enslaved by my own hand.
Back to the Booze though. This is a seductive dark hued wine with the depth and warmth of fresh Oregon raspberries but the soul and body of an R&B singer that weighs 250 pounds. I may never marry as long as I get to have a “weekend fling” with this bottle every couple of months.
Ok i’ll admit. Im not really bummed about being single today (hah - you thought I was going somewhere else with that). Dating has however been on my mind for the past probably two weeks. That and I’ve been watching The Big Bang Theory a lot lately and I have this secret hope in my heart that im not as inept as the particle physicist characters who can’t get women who aren’t otherwise making poor life choices...
Back to the point though. I cant decide if I think casual dating would be good for me or not. I don’t casually date. Ever.
I’ve only ever dated one person, and I didn’t even know it at the time. Im the best kind of weird (yes... I am that arrogant. {pompous font, in addition to sarcasm font are also necessary improvements to literate society})
Probably the biggest key issue for me at this point is I dont know “how” i’d do it. Most of my friends are and always have been girls since my earliest memories - aside from a few essential guy friends. The larger demographic however is most definitely female and so help me, i’d rather go to the grave than make them feel like im picking up a spear to hunt them like some douche bag wearing too much Axe spray-on “deodorant” (total misnomer...).
ok - dont have tons of battery so lets get back to this.
I’m the kind of person who has a very blurred sense of gender identity, I can go to dinner one on one with a girl without it even crossing my mind that that might in any sense be considered a date, because to me it isn’t. I can get “kicked out of the roman-catholic church drunk” and still not do anything “over-the-line” to a girl because I have boundaries that I value more than my own safety...
So that leaves me with the essential question, how would anything change in a casual dating setting.
I dont know.
I don’t know that I particularly want to compromise any of the boundaries I’ve had.
Then pragmatics kick in and say... 10 months left in this country, then on to the next. Then on to the next... and so on. I am not the kind of person who lives their life around someone else. And honestly if it came down to me getting involved with someone and changing to the point where I would WANT to stay where they are... i’d rather nip that problem in the butt now and just D.A.R.E to say now.
Still - I adore little couples when im walking around in the mall/ the rest of ... everywhere. I think its restricted to not-white couples though... white couples aren’t anywhere near as cute I think...
There are two sides at work in my mind here, and don’t go compartmentalizing me along with all the other men of the world, because I’m not them, and I am American and will get upset at being compartmentalized...
Part of me thinks it would be a genuinely healthy new experience.
The other side tells me to keep true to my original plan of waiting till I find someone that I really groove with. -- to which im sure there is a resounding chorus of “well how will you know unless you try” to which I respond... “I’ll just know” So there.
PS - what a stupid holiday ~ and it makes restaurant arrangements ridiculous, even though picnics are a MUCH better idea than a restaurant with various types of melted cheese on little pieces of bread which you have skewered with your own personal elongated two-tined fork. Unless of course that whole thing is a part of the afore mentioned picnic.
The End.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Random thoughts 1/26/11
Lets have some Random
I’ve written at least two blogs on the topic of money... and they over lap so I havent sent them out, because the idea still feels undercooked but yet over worked. So you’ll have to be content to wait.... or just move on with your lives.
Whats new:
I’ve been beguiled by the idea of learning Korean - though there is still a rational battle going on within me between Japanese and Korean vying for the “next” spot. There are a few reasons for why. I’ve started to taste what it is like to have somewhat of a foothold in Chinese, which gives me hope that I will be able to direct my attention to learning the structure and fundamentals of “the next one” in about a years time. There is still a lot of considering to do, but the following are definite supporting reasons (however much the resemble infatuation... I dont care ^_^)
- I just watched one of the most INCREDIBLE movies ever, my first Korean one. It was chocked full of bloody Kungfueyness, it was a well told story, and it was very moving.
-
- There is all kinds of cuteness going on linguistically and population wise (not to mention that it is one of the biggest fashion centers for Asia)
- I have a super awesome Chinese friend that teaches Korean.
- Its an underdog. The US is very involved in the goings on of South Korea, and I am not totally sure why... but the potential there is interesting to me. Also - with the gazillions of Anime nerds (im somewhat in the closet...), there are a few who actually manage to learn Japanese. So in the competition... there ARE plenty of people who speak Japanese... less so that speak Korean (relative to the American language learning population I mean).
Next new thing:
I have been part of this “winter camp” nonsense at the kid school run by the company I work for. Its essentially daycare. I didn’t sign up for this crud...
Though - if the degradation of ones personal dignity can lend me the opportunity to study chinese for the next year, i’ll be able to tolerate it to a degree.... I guess.
Anyhow, I had a little girl tell me she was gonna fart on me (like attack fart)... in Chinese... and I understood it and had a hard time not rolling on the floor.
Another littler girl evidently has this monster crush on me. She would demand my attention and then bat her eyelashes at me... repeatedly. Then latch on to my leg at every opportunity. She also went and found a snow white dress that we have in the school and came up to me and said that her prince had arrived, and latched onto me again.
After “teaching” for about 45 minutes, the remainder of the 3 hour block was a combination of playing hide and seek and whatever other games we could think of...
...
I just tried out the Korean style bath house. It was incredible. Frankly it wasnt really all that different from the Chinese style bath house... in fact im pretty sure it was exactly the same, but with Korean words sprinkled around the place. That said - there was still a whole variety of glory - cool warm and hot pools, a sauna, and a “sunshine” room in addition to the normalties of a Chinese bathhouse such as a large “resting hall with large recliners each housing an a personal TV with over 150 channels, tea service, massages etc.
This is one type of lavish that I absolutely love about China... and think I will come back on vacation almost specifically for this feature. For about USD$11 I can go and lounge for any amount of time within 24 hours... in gloriously hot water with fruit, and general refreshments included. Alcohol and massages come extra, but whatever.
Aside from being displaced... white, young and naked in a room of Chinese men who are generally in their mid 30s-40s (though all ages are welcome... I saw a few 20 somethings)... its a wonderfully relaxing experience. Needless to say - Im no longer concerned with visual privacy, and I’ve seen enough schpedoinkle to last a lifetime....
I still like to NOT have naked Chinese men absently throwing water which ends up on me... Part of me thinks some added cultural rules would be nice.
Anyhow, I left there and as I was on my way out I started feeling very “displaced”. Its a word I use for my situation when I feel that something really doesn’t fit, and is shoved to the wayside.
I like having new adventures, but not having people to share them with BLOWS! Most of my friends are either girls, out of town, or both... and that scenario is not very China compatible. Being a family based society, your either with your friends from work or school or with your family. I didnt go to school here, I don’t always gel with my co-workers to the point where I wanna do stuff like go to a bath-house with them, and once again - most of my friends are out of town. There aren’t really “activity” clubs or groups where you can go to meet new people and learn something new like in Canada or the US. You meet people through work, your family, or through your other friends.
As I said before, this makes me feel a bit displaced. So I went to dinner at a faux-Japanese restaurant, and then came home to my apartment. Fortunately its not VERY big, or it would feel super empty. I can at least take a sweeping glance around the room and feel that this is more “my sized” - “I fit here” ... even though it does feel empty.
So I brewed myself a bowl of coffee and am now writing this blog wondering what i’ll do with myself next.
I started reading a Chinese novel for the first time. I’m actually at the point where I can sit down with a dictionary and make sense of it. I know enough general structure and what not to make the pieces come together. That sounds singularly unimpressive, but trust me... with Chinese it is a much bigger feat altogether.
I could work on that, but I think I have another email I need to send to an old friend with whom I have not spoken in probably a year. Its about connecting the dots, and figuring out what it is im out here to get.
Self-imposed exile... Interesting bidness. Not more than you sign up for... just part of those “hidden perks” that you obviously couldn’t expect previously.
I’ve written at least two blogs on the topic of money... and they over lap so I havent sent them out, because the idea still feels undercooked but yet over worked. So you’ll have to be content to wait.... or just move on with your lives.
Whats new:
I’ve been beguiled by the idea of learning Korean - though there is still a rational battle going on within me between Japanese and Korean vying for the “next” spot. There are a few reasons for why. I’ve started to taste what it is like to have somewhat of a foothold in Chinese, which gives me hope that I will be able to direct my attention to learning the structure and fundamentals of “the next one” in about a years time. There is still a lot of considering to do, but the following are definite supporting reasons (however much the resemble infatuation... I dont care ^_^)
- I just watched one of the most INCREDIBLE movies ever, my first Korean one. It was chocked full of bloody Kungfueyness, it was a well told story, and it was very moving.
-
- There is all kinds of cuteness going on linguistically and population wise (not to mention that it is one of the biggest fashion centers for Asia)
- I have a super awesome Chinese friend that teaches Korean.
- Its an underdog. The US is very involved in the goings on of South Korea, and I am not totally sure why... but the potential there is interesting to me. Also - with the gazillions of Anime nerds (im somewhat in the closet...), there are a few who actually manage to learn Japanese. So in the competition... there ARE plenty of people who speak Japanese... less so that speak Korean (relative to the American language learning population I mean).
Next new thing:
I have been part of this “winter camp” nonsense at the kid school run by the company I work for. Its essentially daycare. I didn’t sign up for this crud...
Though - if the degradation of ones personal dignity can lend me the opportunity to study chinese for the next year, i’ll be able to tolerate it to a degree.... I guess.
Anyhow, I had a little girl tell me she was gonna fart on me (like attack fart)... in Chinese... and I understood it and had a hard time not rolling on the floor.
Another littler girl evidently has this monster crush on me. She would demand my attention and then bat her eyelashes at me... repeatedly. Then latch on to my leg at every opportunity. She also went and found a snow white dress that we have in the school and came up to me and said that her prince had arrived, and latched onto me again.
After “teaching” for about 45 minutes, the remainder of the 3 hour block was a combination of playing hide and seek and whatever other games we could think of...
...
I just tried out the Korean style bath house. It was incredible. Frankly it wasnt really all that different from the Chinese style bath house... in fact im pretty sure it was exactly the same, but with Korean words sprinkled around the place. That said - there was still a whole variety of glory - cool warm and hot pools, a sauna, and a “sunshine” room in addition to the normalties of a Chinese bathhouse such as a large “resting hall with large recliners each housing an a personal TV with over 150 channels, tea service, massages etc.
This is one type of lavish that I absolutely love about China... and think I will come back on vacation almost specifically for this feature. For about USD$11 I can go and lounge for any amount of time within 24 hours... in gloriously hot water with fruit, and general refreshments included. Alcohol and massages come extra, but whatever.
Aside from being displaced... white, young and naked in a room of Chinese men who are generally in their mid 30s-40s (though all ages are welcome... I saw a few 20 somethings)... its a wonderfully relaxing experience. Needless to say - Im no longer concerned with visual privacy, and I’ve seen enough schpedoinkle to last a lifetime....
I still like to NOT have naked Chinese men absently throwing water which ends up on me... Part of me thinks some added cultural rules would be nice.
Anyhow, I left there and as I was on my way out I started feeling very “displaced”. Its a word I use for my situation when I feel that something really doesn’t fit, and is shoved to the wayside.
I like having new adventures, but not having people to share them with BLOWS! Most of my friends are either girls, out of town, or both... and that scenario is not very China compatible. Being a family based society, your either with your friends from work or school or with your family. I didnt go to school here, I don’t always gel with my co-workers to the point where I wanna do stuff like go to a bath-house with them, and once again - most of my friends are out of town. There aren’t really “activity” clubs or groups where you can go to meet new people and learn something new like in Canada or the US. You meet people through work, your family, or through your other friends.
As I said before, this makes me feel a bit displaced. So I went to dinner at a faux-Japanese restaurant, and then came home to my apartment. Fortunately its not VERY big, or it would feel super empty. I can at least take a sweeping glance around the room and feel that this is more “my sized” - “I fit here” ... even though it does feel empty.
So I brewed myself a bowl of coffee and am now writing this blog wondering what i’ll do with myself next.
I started reading a Chinese novel for the first time. I’m actually at the point where I can sit down with a dictionary and make sense of it. I know enough general structure and what not to make the pieces come together. That sounds singularly unimpressive, but trust me... with Chinese it is a much bigger feat altogether.
I could work on that, but I think I have another email I need to send to an old friend with whom I have not spoken in probably a year. Its about connecting the dots, and figuring out what it is im out here to get.
Self-imposed exile... Interesting bidness. Not more than you sign up for... just part of those “hidden perks” that you obviously couldn’t expect previously.
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